Monday, January 28, 2008

Life is like the weather! It’s so unpredictable…

Okay, I have missed blogging over the last week because we had some family matters to attend to and now I am back on it.

First, I want to say that I was able to meet Jonathan’s extended family and enjoyed every minute of it. I was able to get to know some really wonderful people and the upside is I am now related to them and am really excited about getting to know them hopefully even more. (I love you guys)

Well, I mentioned a couple posts earlier that we were hoping to move to New Mexico to get closer to family, but, (a big but), the winds of change have come and it looks like we are staying put in Golden. Hey, I am okay with that and actually relieved that our life is no longer up in the air. I am going to stay at my job and we are keeping our condo. We tried to rent it out last month but that didn’t happen so that was a real inclination that pointed to our stay. Another reason is my husband landed an awesome contracting job working with someone in California by telecommuting, which means that we could possibly move anywhere we want but for right now we have decided to stay. . .

So, we thought we knew what we were going to do, and how things were going to fall into place with our desire to move down to New Mexico, but Father had other plans and it turned out that moving was not in the forecast after all.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

To Be or Not to Be

I have pondered on what it takes to be real with others compared to being honest. I think there is a difference. I think that being real with certain people may make some feel uncomfortable. Being real is having nothing to hide about what I believe in or how I live my life or what I think. Honesty, on the other hand, usually deals with how and what I believe in compared to others points of view.

I have dealt with the thought of what’s wrong with being real and honest with others in love? However, this may be risky, it may break some friendship barriers that are hard to put back together and could cause some pretty ugly fights, which I would rather steer clear from. However, if one thought they had the freedom to be real and honest wouldn’t that seem like more of a natural form of a friendship than walking on eggshells and not saying things for fear of stepping on toes? I have always tried to be an open and honest person as far as my walk with Father and what I think Father is showing me when sharing with others, but usually when a conversation like that happens, it seems like it is only one sided and I am the one usually talking. It’s funny because I catch myself just blabbing and find others just staring. “What does that mean?” I think some may find my relationship with Father and how I live my life “SCARY”. I am okay with that, but I guess I could understand why I don’t get feedback with some folks. So, another way at looking at it, is this doesn’t seem as natural as it looked after seeing some reactions to conversations I have been involved in.

SO, I have learned through some great conversations with Wayne Jacobsen and my parents and great meditation that I need to just meet people where they are and not try to force my realness and honesty on others. It is easy to get back into all that, but God’s realness really comes out when it flows un-forced and naturally. I know from experience that this can happen if I let go of the angst and just learn to be.

It’s a working progress…

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Falling Down

Have you ever had those days where you feel alone and feel like there isn’t a soul out there to talk to? I have, and actually those days have been the last couple of days for me. I don’t know what it is but I sometimes get the feeling that even Father isn’t enough to talk to. I know how bad that sounds, but it’s felt real. I have tried to find comfort and strength in him, but somehow I just feel lost. My husband has been away for the last week. He has been in New Mexico and now is visiting his side of the family in Oklahoma. He is expected home tomorrow, but it does seem like a long while since he has been home! I have been hanging out with friends, but I still feel alone. Have you ever felt like that? I have been in large crowds of people and still have felt alone. It is the most depressing state to be in. I feel like I have been run over by a freight train.

Someone out there who has ever experienced this before, I could use some encouragement. Pray for me. I will turn around soon; it’s just a phase that will soon be forgotten. Lord willing!

Thanks! Nicole!

Falling Down

Once was a man who consumed his place and time
He thought nothing could touch him
But here and now it's a different storyline
Like the straw he is clutching

Why has the sky turned grey
Hard to my face and cold on my shoulder
And why has my life gone astray
Scarred by disgrace, I know that its over

Because I'm falling down
With people standing round
But before I hit the ground
Is there time
Could I find someone out there to help me?

Howl at the wind rushing past my lonely head
Caught inside its own motion
How I wish it was somebody else instead

Howling at all this corrosion

Why did the luck run dry
Laugh in my face, so pleased to desert me
Why do the cruel barbs fly?
Now when disgrace can no longer hurt me

Because I'm falling down
With people standing round
But before I hit the ground
Is there time
Could I find someone out there to help me?

You see I'm falling down
With people standing round
But before I hit the ground
Is there time could I find someone
out there to help me? I don't know.... Why...

Friday, January 11, 2008

Knocking Off the Labels

Why do many of us feel like we have to put people and brothers and sisters in categories or label them as “such and such” What I mean is this, if certain people do things differently than we do, we label them “different” or “whatever they are into”. I even catch myself putting labels on people who may not see eye to eye on things with me. It kind of reminds me of name calling in elementary school! How old am I? Surely I am over that. Gosh, it’s funny though because everyone does it, even those who may not even know what he or she is doing. But the reality is, we are just people, nothing more, nothing less. We may not do the same things, or anything of the sort, but that does not mean that I have a right to label them. Now see, did you notice that I labeled all of you as being “ a labeler”. Look at the bold text. It’s so easy to get caught up in it. Please forgive me for I will just label myself.

I was recently reminded of a children’s storybook that I love. It is called, “You Are Special”. I can’t remember the author’s name, but it’s kind of about the same thing. In this town these wooden people would have black dot stickers and bright star stickers and would go around the whole town putting stickers on each other for what they did. The bright star stickers were when they did something good or something they liked, and the black dot stickers were for when they did bad or something they didn’t like. Finally, to make a long story short, this one wooden person had only black dots and was feeling really down, and one day met one wooden person with no black dots, or no bright stars. She was completely unlabeled. The black dotted wooden person wanted to know how she didn’t have any marks and she told him that she went to the wood maker and he took them off just by visiting with him! Come to find out, it was true and the little wooden person lost of his marks because he found out that his creator, the wood maker, didn’t use marks to judge people but used love and the marks then would fall off.

So, I am ready to knock off the labels or marks I have put on anybody. Father doesn’t label me, so I know that is not what I should be doing!

All About Me!

I wanted to post a description about my journey on my "all about me" archive, but I can't figure how to do it, so I am posting it as a blog. I hope you enjoy reading about where Father has and is taking me!

I grew up in a small town in the desert of New Mexico where my parents gracefully raised me. Through my growing up years I was raised as a run-of-the-mill Christian, who attended a small congregation where I grew accustomed to the rules and regulations. I attended up until I was in college and started attending another non-denomination. I met my husband in this congregation and dated him for three years. Through these years of dating, we attended, and made long lasting relations with these brothers and sisters. Eventually right after college our pastor at the time married us, and a couple days later, we immediately moved close to Denver Colorado, where we are currently living. Recently after we moved to Colorado, we attended a large congregation compared to what we were used to back home. It was first very hard to get involved and it felt so un-natural for us to be thrown in this large group of people and not know a single soul. Meanwhile, back home my parents, stopped attending and started this other profound way of living for Father. My mom talked a lot about Wayne Jacobsen and Brad Cummings pod casts, but at the time it never quite registered. Quite frankly, I was shocked and amazed that my parents were doing the exact opposite of what they taught us kid's growing up. It was hard to fathom that this type of life style, not going to a congregation, and following all the rules, was okay with God. A couple months after attending this congregation, my husband one day woke up on a Sunday morning, and said, " We don't need to go today". And that is how it all started. At first, I was quite happy not having to get up so early on a weekend day to attend a large group of people, but as time went by, about 6 to 8 months later, my relationship with Father started developing in a more natural form than what I have ever experienced before. I began to listen more and find myself through Father and was finding out what Father wanted from me. He wanted my heart, and that was it, nothing more just my heart. I thought for the longest time that as long as I lived up to others expectations and thought that they were coming from God, I was okay. But, instead of all that, he just wanted my heart, and he wanted me for himself. Once I grasp how easy Father was and how complicated everybody made him out to be, Father was an easy God who just wanted to love me and that is when I started getting to know my father more intimately than I have ever experienced before. That is where I am today thanks to Father and the brothers and sister that he chose to help me along the way

GPS Journey – God’s Positioning System-

For Christmas, I received an amazing GPS-TomTom. I was thrilled to actually be able to find my way around the huge city I live in and not get lost! What a thought that is. I am usually pretty bad with direction so instead of the old map quest site I would go visit; I now count on Mrs. TomTom, (a nickname that fits it pretty well I would say) to guide me through the crazy maze of a city that I live in!

Just recently, I was talking to Jon, my husband about our possible move that we may be doing shortly and we were questioning what Father might be saying to us about the move. I came up with a good analogy…

God is like a GPS, if you start going the wrong direction, God will re-route you to where you are supposed to go even if its on another path than where you originally started!

If I trust him… Now, back to the GPS for a second… Sometimes if I allow my GPS to lead me and guide me, I should trust it to take me where I am wanting to go, but sometimes it is easier to think that I am right or have a better route than the GPS and decide to go a different way and get lost, but the GPS usually always finds a way to get me where I am wanting to go regardless what corner I turn. Same goes for Father, I think if I would trust him and allow him to get me where he wants me to go, than I just let he guide me. This is even true when we think we know best for ourselves and go with something that came from us, Father always seems to get through to us some way or another and corrects our path or puts up warning signs along the way to keep us from getting lost our hurt along the Journey!!!!!!

So, TRUST in your God’s Positioning System wherever he may be guiding you!

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

What's The Reason?

Today on The View, my favorite talk show on TV, they were talking about church. It was funny because two of the women are Christians, Sherry and Elisabeth, and I am not sure where the other two women stand in their faith, Whoopi and Joy. Anyway, Whoopi was saying she doesn’t get much out of a church service but only the dancing during praise and worship, and she feels like she may hear God more outside of the walls in the middle of nature or something like that than in a building. Joy, the red head, she doesn’t go just to go because everyone else who professes to be a Christian goes, and most churchgoers get on her nerves. While Elisabeth and Sherry talked how they love and promote going to church to everyone. It is crazy to see all different sides of this, and how they are all in different places even if they aren’t in a place with Father.

For me, I think the whole point is finding a reason and a purpose to go and when one can’t find that reason or purpose, what’s the point? I used to attend because, first, I was brought up in going, and attending since I was born, and secondly, if you are a Christian, you go to church, end of story. However, I don’t think that is the case, there has to be a reason behind it and if one can’t find it, then why go? Wouldn’t the reason be Father, but what if when one goes, all the other activities and agenda’s fog up even the sight of Father? I think if the focus becomes more about “church duties” than on a relationship with Father, I don’t see the reason for attending and I won’t do something if I know it is taking the place of Father in my life.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

A Must Read

On my way to Colorado from New Mexico I was able to listen to a book on audio. It is called “Redeeming Love”, by Francine Rivers. I read it several years ago and decided to take the time while I traveled to listen to a good story and let me tell you, this is a wonderful heart-throbbing story of how much Father loves us and what kind of lengths he will go to get our attention. It is beautifully written and drenched in Father’s love for us as his bride. I completely and absolutely recommend this book if anyone is looking for, not just a good read, but an awesome must read.

So, check it out!

Let me know if you have read it or going to take my word for it and check it out! It is also found on iTunes ready to download.

Some Cool Stuff!

Friday, January 4, 2008

Happy New Year!

Today is the 4th day of 2008. What a thought….

It will be interesting to see what unfolds this coming year, and to see what new things will develop in my life. Just recently my husband and I have decided to move to New Mexico close to family. We are excited to be close to our families, but it is a very bittersweet thought to move away from a place that I have grown to love and the people I have shared life with, within the last two years. Just in case no one knows, I am a nanny and have been with this family that I am currently employed with for two years in Feb. It has been the most excellent job I have ever experienced before in my life and the children and I are so close and have developed great relationships. When I was searching for a job, Father knew exactly what I needed and truly had my best interest in mind when I started with this family. They are truly and utterly amazing. However, that part of my life will change soon and it will be a reality that is going to be hard to face. The plan thus far is, I am moving the 1st of February however I just hope that my time with these kiddos has been uplifting and rewarding to them as it has to me. I have decided to soak in all of my last moments with the kiddos so it will form a beautiful memory that will not be easily forgotten. I will try to post a picture of them on here shortly! If I get around to it!

I hope this coming year for everyone will be amazing with Father’s undivided love pouring on you every single day!