Lately I've been feeling really dizzy. I woke up the other morning just really dizzy and could hardly walk in a straight line. It was hard to focus on anything particular. It felt like I was drunk and overcoming a huge hangover. Though I know I didn't drink but one glass of wine that night before and I know one glass of wine cannot make me that sick. But this wasn't related to having a headache which is usually associated with drinking. My eye balls seem to be bouncing in my eye sockets when I am sleeping. It's the strangest thing.
So I threw in the towel and went to go see the doc. It's weird for me because I rarely go to the doctor, and I actually hate going into a place where you could pick up other sickness's. I always want to hold my breath while I am waiting in the office to be seen. You never know what people have or what you can get from others just being in a room filled with many germ possibilities. So, I met with the doctor in a room, where the nurse led me too. He came in and I believe I was only in this room for like 5 minutes. He asked me how I was feeling. He checked my pulse and ears and nose, and suggested a couple of possible diagnoses and prescribed me to three different meds to three different things I may be suffering from that is causing my dizziness. He seemed very vague and didn't really give me any other info. He left and I felt very puzzled not just because I was dizzy, but by the lack of attention and information he gave me concerning the reason of my visit. It was very impersonal and frankly a very impractical visit. This visit was expensive because we don't have health insurance. I would have hoped for a little more time for the price, gosh!
So anyways, I went to pick up my prescriptions at Walmart so that I could start on them right away. I pick them up and notice one of the meds is an allergy pill. It had a red warning tag on the box that said, 'warning, may cause dizziness'. I am a little confused. Perhaps my confusion is from my dizzy spells and disorientation's, but, this to me seems almost like an oxymoron move. Oh, but I should never question a doctor who probably has years of experience in this practice and knows what he is doing. Yet, I still do. I am a little suspicious of the entire system as it is. Medication only seems to cause more problems. My dad died in a hospital where he was supposed to get well, when he didn't. I don't know maybe I am only pulling loose hair, but there seems to be something very wrong with this picture.
I took the medications as I was told, only to find out this morning after I woke up and took my meds that the allergy pill is making my dizziness worse. Before I took them, I had been feeling much better today, but once I took my meds I started getting really dizzy again. I can't help but think that wasting my time and money at doctor visits, there has got to be a BETTER WAY... I wonder why we are so eager to go to doctors because we aren't able to fend for ourselves or even consider an alternative. It seems like this culture and society that we are in, has led us to believe that the health care system of our day is the answer.
I am not going to get into reform of health care and that garbage, but the entire system the way it is or even the way it could be someday seems to me like a loss cause. I know doctors are needed when there is a huge issue, but, for simple colds or flues or things like that, we think need to out source for help. Think about this for a minute, what did our parents do when we were sick? I remember rarely going to the doctor as a kid. I know we did if my brother and I got super sick, but for colds and things like that, I wonder that the solutions our parents used were more efficient and affective. Our dependency on the system in general to me is UNHEALTHY. It's almost like we can't take care of ourselves and always depend on out-sourcing for help. I believe there is a better way. I just need to take more time to find other solutions to problems so I won't add to the dizzy spells.
As I am coming more alive, I feel like I have been finding treasures. Even when I am subconscious, I am becoming more aware. It's an odd thing when my mind may not be 'mindful' of things, but my heart seems to capture what my mind cannot. Though this may sound weird, its a new profound world of discovery for me. To see what is normally missed. To hear what is normally found upon deaf ears. There is something much deeper here than what I ever would expect to find.
The last couple of days, I have been overcoming a cold. It's really not that big of a deal, but yesterday I slept in until 1:45 in the afternoon, which I don't think I have ever done in my adult years. It's almost feels like all this sleep, I've been awake in my dreams, and asleep while I am awake. It's strange how the dream world has almost captured more of my attention than being awake. Except for today!
I woke up this morning feeling much better than I did yesterday. Besides my throat recovering from this cold, I physically feel fine. I had enough energy to get out of the house and enjoy my time in Durango Colorado. We are house-sitting for some of our friends who are out of town so we are up here for the duration of the weekend. It's been a good week, except for the two days I was feeling sick! And even sleeping almost 24 hours straight, something huge was happening.
So, when I got out of the house today, I went to this local bookstore to look for a notebook for Jonathan for his work. I didn't find what I was looking for, but left with so much more than what was expected. I was browsing the store and looking at books. It's really one of my favorite things to do. During my exploration, I remember thinking about being more conscious, and praying that God would open my heart to discovering what is normally missed while I am subconscious of His reality. I always find that there are treasures to be found in titles and pictures on books. I always happen to find myself discovering so much in the philosophy section especially.
My heart all of a sudden came alive and conscious to this reality when something happened that I will never forget. I didn't find a title or picture that jumped out at me, but as I was leaving the store, this lady asked for a book, that was titled, Seeing The Unseen. As I heard this and I was on my way out of the store, I just stopped, and stared. It was like almost getting in a car wreck or seeing a car wreck and you are very aware and conscious because its like that scared feeling wakes you up. Not that this scared me, but it definitely shocked me. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard this lady asked for this book title, when I was just asking Father to awaken me.
It may be me reading into things, but to me this is huge. It's seeing the unseen, hearing the unheard. It's way cool when my heart is willing, Father lavishes his love onto me and I sense something much greater happening when I am willing to have ears to hear. Super EXCITING!
Not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond image. -- Mona Lisa Smile
Hi! Thanks for coming by and checking out my blog. If I had to tell you anything about myself and why I write, it would be this...
I love to write about things that inspire me or captures my attention, or merely what is happening in my life. I don't proclaim to have it all figured out, but I do know this, that I am simply human that has problems and I am not afraid to expose them here. Vulnerability and being authentic is something I strive for, even if it looks ugly at times.
So please feel free to come and have a conversation with me. I can't wait to dig in deep with you!
I am learning how to live loved by God and embrace His grace that will help me fly in freedom. Let the wings of grace take me, all of me, for who I am and not for who I should be.