I don't know if this is just a season in my life, which I sure hope that it lasts a lot longer than just a season, but for the first time in my life I feel like fear isn't the dominating force that prevents me from taking risks or trying something new. I feel set free from fear's grip that has sucked the life out of me for so long. I actually feel like for once in my life, I am actually living. I have dived head first into things that I have never thought I could do or even try. The fear of the unknown, something new, something unfamiliar to me would usually make me tuck my tail and run the opposite direction.
I read a quote the other day that spoke volumes.
“You must realize, that fear is not real. It's a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice.”
Fear is really just a thought I choose to give control over to. I have allowed it to prevent me from trying new things, or exploring new territory in which case I have put a stop to. Lately, I have tried rock climbing for the first time since I was a teenager. I fell in love with it. It makes me want to do it more. Its crazy but ever since I started lifting weights, my upper body can really pull me up and I just keep going. Its something that I plan on doing a lot more this summer. I have some really good friends that LOVE to rock climb, and I hope to participate in that activity. Another sport that I have recently got involved in is Kickboxing. It's incredible how motivating and physically stimulating this is. Learning the techniques and stances is probably the most challenging, plus remembering the names of the moves, but, its really something that I love. Its like my favorite thing to do. Its so strange, but I never ever imagined me getting into stuff like this before. I was never physically active or in sports growing up, so all of this, even the gym life that I have is very new to me. Being in shape and in good health is new to me in and of itself. Maybe that has given me incentive to pursue things that I have never really thought I could pursue up until this point!
Brene Brown, who is a Vulnerability researcher who I have talked about here before has really been speaking to me in the last several months. She has a book called, Daring Greatly. She has spoken life to me through her books and speeches that she has given. She says, "Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.” I really find that quote to be very true in my life these days. I've had the courage to embrace physical activities, along with confronting people in my life with some tough feelings that I needed to address. This has also given me the opportunity to take a really good look inside myself and allow myself to let some very painful experiences go for good... It's like the pain from the past has held me captive for so long and I was so afraid to open those doors and really take a good look at them because I was afraid of the pain that would lead right after the first glance. Its really freeing to let go of the past, but what I have found through all of this is it has primarily let go of me.
People tell me that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I admit, its scary at times, but I no longer live by fear, but by that which drives it out!