I Need To Trust So the Rest Will Come

I find myself always getting antsy and nervous right before a move. I guess I should be used to moving by now. It seems like we have moved almost every year since we got married. Though it always seems to surprise me how my reactions to things in my life never seem to change and even though the situations fluctuate, my attitude stays the same. I get nervous and anxious when Jon is looking for a new job or when a big move is happening. When I feel caught up in the moment and feel the need to want to control things when it’s out of my hands to control.

Why is uncertainty something we are trained not to embrace? Instead if feels as though we are caught up in the pulling and tugging of necessity in order to feel a sense of control in ours situations. It seems like our nature is built on the certainty and security that we seek in order to sustain some sense of control in our lives, when maybe, it isn’t in our power to sustain such security and certainty. And maybe this is not the way we were meant to live, but quite the opposite. Maybe our sense of security is not found in what happens in this world and our situations, but when we see that there is a greater need and working that is happening outside of our control.

My friend Kent said the following:

“What we are in need of is to allow the Spirit to rework everything in us. We have been so shaped to live by law and control and the spirit is the absolute opposite.”

I love where this message is leading; pure and absolute freedom. Where we are set free from being fixated on that which is out of our control and to find that we don’t need to figure everything out at once but trust Father in that which we cannot see or understand, and when we can rest from the wrestling and anxiousness that comes with this obnoxious need to be in control. Once we give way to this, it becomes extremely real, and the realm of control has lost its strength, and the scrambling nature to control things dies because we no longer have chosen to live a life outside of trust.

It's Amazing What We Find Outside of What We Have Always Been Told

It’s interesting how dogma and a certain type of thinking are passed down from generation to generation. People, who have grown up and have been spoon fed a religion, are more than likely going to carry that on with them for the rest of their lives and then eventually pass it down to their children. Soon our beliefs are only what we have been told they should be and it seems like we don’t have the ability to search on our own and find our own way to truth. That would take too much work and risk. Religious dogma to me is like old baggage we carry on our back because we feel obligated to do so due to our parents, grandparents and other family member’s expectations. If we step away from that image and start looking on our own instead of relying only on what we have heard growing up, there is a risk associated with that in terms of perhaps losing relationships with family and friends and maybe we are even afraid of what we will find if we go off on our own. I think we even get to the point where we talk ourselves into this belief system because it’s familiar to us, and we are so comfortable that if we step out of it, everything will go haywire and become uncertain. Though perhaps that is what will bring us out of bondage. There are many voices out there telling us all sorts of stuff, people who we are close to, and others who we don’t even know. But who are the people we should listen to? What are the voices that will lead us to truth? I guess I am pretty certain that there is only one voice and one God who can lead us to truth, though it seems like we allow those other familiar voices to tell us how and what to believe.

I love this clip from the movie, Mona Lisa Smile where they are talking about art. It’s profound and has really helped me capture a sense of an open mind and not to always go with the status quo and what the ‘religious police’ always say.




This is when I begin to question all over again, who is God? What makes Him Good or bad, and am I capable of coming to somewhat of a conclusion on my own?

Perhaps knowing God is not like an outlined rule manual, but maybe he is much more than ‘they’ say He is and even profoundly different in many ways… Can we open our minds to a new idea of who he may be than what we have been ‘told’ to think?

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Does It Matter?

I get the feeling that importance is pushed in many areas that perhaps in the long run, and in the end, they won’t matter. There seems to be many battles among people in regards to who’s right and who’s wrong, whose left or right, and all this figuring on what side of the fence people are on. I tend to think even that doesn’t matter what side you are on, or how you see differently than I do. I guess I am trying to look outside of the box and try to picture things differently, a way that evens the playing field, though perhaps with humans, this is utterly impossible. . I have a feeling God rarely sees things in the same perspective as any one of us. Though I do think He uses us in some way or another.

My thoughts in my blog have mainly pertained to my past experiences with religion and how it has been used in my life, and of course the healing grace and love that I am now seeing outside of a religion that I used to know. There were glances of love and grace, but few and far between glances that it was hard to even see and identify them. I’m just a 26 year old, with little to no experience about pretty much anything, but that which I write about, I do know a little bit about. I don’t ever assume to have it all figured out though, nor do I want to come across all knowing. But what I know and believe or what I am figuring out our questioning is something that only says one thing. I could be the only person on the planet to believe it or even care to write about it, but, I’m still one person that has a voice and who wants to share her thoughts and finds it exciting when I actually have something to write about. I enjoy writing immensely and find that if it helps one person; that to me is worth it all! And if it doesn’t help a soul, I still enjoy it just as much. My goal here isn’t to stir up contention and start world war 3 on my blog, but to be able to discuss issues and matters that I find interesting and want to share. I just find that my thoughts are scattered half the time, and when I write a blog and people take things from my blog and try to put a label on me and what I believe doesn’t quite do it for me. You just can’t label someone off of one piece of writing. It would be ludicrous to think that I can sum someone’s life up just by one thing they have said.

So with this said, if it matters that much to you to come and try to find fault in what I write about, then so be it! I welcome you, though I will tell you this, I am not much for debating, even if it’s about issues you find on my blog. You can ask my husband, I have always cringed when it came to debates particularly ones that have to do with God or religion, it’s just a topic I enjoy writing about and I find Father working these things out in me. So, you are more than welcome to come and share your perspectives and beliefs even if they are contrary to mine. I see no harm done in that. I’m beginning to realize that human perspectives, even mine never really amounts too much, and in the end, when all things are done, that is when the real truth and light with shine through!

Peace to you fellow readers -

The Fall of a Christian Religion and The Rise of Authentic Living

I have stopped and pondered where this world is headed with all the current events happening all around us. I think I see the beginning of life start to take shape in and amongst people across our nation. If I didn’t know any better than I do now, I would be among several Christians who are tied to their box of religion in hopes to help it not collapse, and pray in fear that it won’t. Though these days, I have a different view. I sense the beginning is near, where we will begin to see more people leave organized religious groups and reach out for real life outside of the norm. Where church is no longer a building with a pastor or elders, but where we begin to realize that we the people as individuals come together and love each other anywhere at any time and that defines the church on more of a real level than anything else. Where we begin to shed the mask of our lives and thrive on authenticity and begin to be real with others about whose we are. I think Grace will play a much bigger role in relationships and people will step out of the fear mongering mode and move to a place that love and grace is abundant and there we will see astonishing and valuable things take place.

An event that has taken place recently that has utterly shaken the religious Christian shell has been Jennifer Knapp coming out as a lesbian and still proclaiming to love the Lord. Articles and interviews I have watched and read have really opened my eyes even more too how narrow-minded, even closed minded people have become when the issue of love is on the line and how they don’t see how their method of condemnation and judgments is not the way to win over people. Though, I am not surprised, it’s these events that have opened the eyes and really makes one stop and think, maybe we are really missing something here.

I’m excited to see grace and love win over pride and arrogance of trying to make something work that’s obviously not! And the cool thing is, I don’t even have to preach to people about this to convince them about love and grace, when I think the Spirit of God is doing that in and amongst hearts across this planet.

For me personally, I no longer feel the need to push my beliefs on others and find that love in action really opens the doors to freedom and learning to love people where they are, even when it’s Christians who don’t agree or see eye to eye with me. Even though I have in the past, I’ve learned that it doesn’t work. Loving people and meeting them where they are with no ulterior motives is something I have found to be impressively remarkable and affective in being real and authentic.

Double Standards

I ran into a movie trailer today that a friend posted about abortion and how people are tricking girls and pressuring them to get abortions. It does look like a good documentary and seems to reveal what’s behind the scene that hasn’t been known, though this is of course very anti – choice and that of a political and moral issue.

There is something I found to be quite a double standard and makes me question why our beliefs and support of such things can contradict and be on the opposite side of other things we believe to be the ‘way’ to go in regards to ‘LIFE’ issues. I usually hate to talk about anything political, but this observation that I have made couldn’t pass me by.

Republican’s/Conservative’s are pro-life supporters, and they also support our troops. Here’s where things get hazy. We support life here in America, but could care less about it outside of America. Our military capitalizes on the efforts to take ‘out’ the enemy even if it kills innocent lives in the process. I was watching this you tube video that is a recording of U.S troops killing innocent people in the Middle East, and they don’t even call this murder. These guys probably didn’t even get a slap on the wrist for this kind of bull shit. So we condemn killing innocent babies, but promote and support our military murdering people outside of our own country. It doesn’t make sense to me at all! It almost makes me not want to be a part of this elite group we also know as The Republican/Conservative Party. An argument would be that people support our troops and wars elsewhere to protect 'our' freedom in the U.S. Though to me, this isn't freedom, it's just more bondage when we don't blink an eye at how maybe our country is only concerned for itself because we must keep our rank in the world, regardless what this does to others outside our walls.

Its just sickening!

If you’re going to be pro-life, be pro-life all the way, not this inconsistent biased approach just for our ‘own’ kind.

Here are two movie trailers that are both Pro-life. One is about that documentary I mentioned earlier about abortion. The other one is about another documentary that is about violence and how it seems that we have forgotten what is like to be human when we support such violence.

Love Is Enough

I struggle with understanding that people who are caught up in some kind of ‘sin’ aren’t in need of love. When we 'ALL' are sinful... Love that our Father gives us freely every day of our life. Though why do we allow sin to be such a big thing that prevents us from really and truly loving those who need it the most? I see Jesus doing that with all the people he used to hang out with back in the day. He knew they were in sin, but yet that didn’t stop him from loving them and hanging out with them. I think there are a lot of Christians that give sin and the evil one too much credit, too much attention, that they can’t even see life and love, but hate and evil. They are blind, blind by their own self-righteousness. I’ve been there before, and it sucks…There’s no life in that, just dirt roads that lead to nowhere. I look at people who are gay. Just because they are living that kind of life style, doesn’t mean I can’t love them and cherish them. I was reading an article about Jennifer Knapp, who was a popular Christian artist back when I was growing up and who just came out and told the world that she is now gay. Christianity Today was holding the interview with her and they were questioning her up and down, to no end, and what did that produce? Absolutely nothing good in my book! If I had a chance to talk to Jennifer, I would say this; You’re loved by a Father who cherishes you, and I love you too just as you are…

These are prime examples of what many are stuck on. They can’t see beyond sin, and all that they find is that people who are different from them are the problem, when just maybe the problem lies with them the whole time. Yeah, Christianity as a religion and what it produces, to me is a problem. It defiles the message and who God says he is, and never leaves room for grace. My prayer is that those who need love will get it, and people who are stuck in a rut of religion will never stand a chance to do any more damage than what they have already done.

I just want the truth of God to be known through the love he has given us to share, nothing less, and nothing more.

“I dare you to trust that I love you just as you are, and not as you should be, because you will never be as you should be.” --Brennan Manning