Marvel

There comes a time in my writing process where I need to distinguish between the searching/seeking part in which to write, and what to record what I have found. In a sense its like switching gears. I wonder why my curiosity never seems to be satisfied with what is given in just one day. Most days are dull with necessity, but I have days like today that the flow of fulfillment and meaning in my life is unending. But, what do I do with all these check marks and absolutes? And though each and every part of what I am finding has meaning and connection, my problem lies with finding ways to articulate it with simple words. When my heart is empty or I feel alone in life, I look for meaning in everything. This isn't necessarily helpful or good, but its what I do in order to cope. When I am searching, I am looking for direction and a path that I can be certain of. When I find meaning behind what is happening in my life, I'm looking for the big picture through the confines of words and their definitions, lyrics of songs, movies, phrases, signs. Anything that seems to literally grab my mind from reality to consider the possibility of what that could mean in my reality. I'm sure if you are a frequent visitor to my blog, you were wondering why I bombard my page with these music videos or songs. Its because I find meaning that is expressed perfectly through the lyrics that can only be explained through them. My meager attempt to explain always fails and disappoints my focus. The thought process becomes intrenched with the deep longing for direction and right perceptions. Many of my experiences in processing information on the (right) or (wrong) scale of things, always leaves a void because of the loud/self-critic lack of approval and acceptance that comes to the forefront of my mind, which in the long run defeats the entire point of writing and processing this information in the first place. Two major thoughts that I have held onto for the past couple of weeks are: I cannot own anybody's problems but my own. And, the past does not own me.  

Identity Thief

The movie Limitless comes to mind. Bradley Cooper, who plays the main character runs across this drug that has the capacity to make him tap into the fabrics of his entire brain at one time. The basis of this movie is seeing what happens when we chase and capture mindful-wealth and material wealth. Thus, the repercussions and consequences of such choices conclude to bad outcomes. I find that this movie has great meaning into my life. One way I can relate to this story is how he struggles with his lack of motivation, inspiration and clarity in his writing career, thus leaving him feeling useless and hitting dead-ends at every turn. When I am writing, I run into these road blocks all the time. If only I could find that ONE thing that would trigger some kind of undisclosed brilliance that is waiting to pour out of me at any given time. Or if I could take a PILL that would fulfill my every need, desire and longing. Though, on this earth, I can't really believe that this is possible. Sure, its possible to find happiness with what we have and where we are, but, as much as I think I'm happy and find fulfillment in what I have or what I am in pursuit of, I have this great void in my soul for something that this world cannot give. I know from a God-knowing perspective, I haven't let God take me for who I am and be my everything. Sometimes I think my past and religious experiences growing up have tainted my perception of who God is in my life, and through this, I've lost my identity. I have forgotten who I am and where I belong. A sense of lost belonging has replaced me. But, I always go back to the reminder that I no longer live in my past, and those times no longer have the power that they once had in my life. Every time I visit there, I forget who God see's when he looks at me. Why do sour memories and recurring emotions penetrate to the surface? Feelings of shame, inadequacy, imperfection, guilt and emptiness seem to crouch on my heart leaving me suffocating and helpless. Is there any way to take back what is mine?

Be Your Sound - Cosmic Gate & Emma Hewitt

We'll build a fortress
To keep them out
And in a world gone silent
I'll be your sound

Meet me tonight here
I know we're gotta run away
Leaving the old fear
Looking for a new place

I can feel a storm near
The dream won't go away
So meet me tonight dear
And we'll run into a new day

And through it all
I'm on your side now
I'm on your side now

CHORUS:
We'll build a fortress
To keep them out
And in a world gone silent
I'll be your sound
And if they try to hurt you
I'll tear them down
I'm always with you now

Disarm Yourself - Dash Berlin Ft. Emma Hewitt

Disarm yourself
Release the fear
Disarm yourself
And hold me near,
Now...

Give yourself to me
Give yourself to me
Give yourself to me

Disarm yourself
Release the fear
Disarm yourself
And hold me near
Now...

Don't you miss yourself
And all you used to change
it always ends (it always ends)

You keep on running backwards
Keep on chasing your own demons
Slip away to another hour
And let me in...

Disarm yourself
Release the fear
Disarm yourself
And hold me near
Now...
Give yourself to me
Give yourself to me
Give yourself to me

Disarm yourself
Release the fear
Disarm yourself
And hold me near
Now...

OceanLab - Lonely Girl

Clarity - Zedd ft. Foxes (LYRICS)

Dance Our Tears Away - Ft. Kristin Amparo

We can make it through these hard times
Dance our tears away
We can find our way into the light
Dance our tears away

When everything just falls apart
We all stumble in the dark
& you feel out of place
Let's dance our tears away
Dance our tears away
Let's dance our tears away

Woa woa woa
Dance our tears away
woa
So what do you say?
woa
Let's dance our tears away

We can rise when we are beaten down
Dance our tears away
We can turn it all around
Dance our tears away

When everything just falls apart
We all stumble in the dark
& you feel out of place
Let's dance our tears away....................

Let's dance our tears away
woa woa woa
Dance our tears away
woa woa woa
Let's dance our tears away

-ah ah ah ah ah -
-ah ah ah ah ah -
-ah ah ah ah ah -
-ah ah ah ah ah -
-ah ah ah ah ah -
-ah ah ah ah ah -
-ah ah ah ah ah -

Let's dance our tears away
woa woa woa
Dance our tears away
woa woa woa
Let's dance our tears away
oh oh oh away
Dance our tears away
woa
So what do you say?
woa
Let's dance our tears away