I am struggling in trusting in Fathers provision for my husband and I. In order to not over elaborate on my problems, let’s just say, life could be a heck of a lot easier and better for us. We have been having money issues to say the very least and I believe I have shared this same remorse before but now it is worse. It seems like things around me are falling apart and all of it is taking a HUGE tow on my heart. I struggle with Trusting in God’s provision, and all my questions seem to go unanswered; not that Father doesn’t hear my cry for help, but I just can’t hear Him in all of this.
I listened to a podcast today that was really good from Wayne and Brad. It was so encouraging to hear. They were talking about when some bad or awful things happen to us, our initial thought would to think that ‘we’ did something to not win the favor of Father and we would go back to trying to win Father’s favor and good will for us. I have had those thoughts. I think what have I done to deserve this? Maybe I am not reading my bible enough, maybe I am not praying enough, maybe I am not in God’s will. I grew up hearing those words from leaders and pastors, and frankly, I am sick of playing this (feeling sorry for myself game with God). I am ready to know and live like I am okay just doing and being where I am without fear of disrupting my thoughts and moods about where I ‘stand’ with God. I don’t think Father holds things from us for those reasons I pointed out. I guess I think He tests our faith, but then again, I have had doubts about that as well. Why would a loving God who loves us and cares for us, would give us such a hard time with things? Is it to build up our faith? And is it to make us stronger in Him and maybe through those tests He hopes we will trust him through it all?! I guess, but right now it’s hard to say. I know the truth and I know that Father wants us to trust Him and believe that He has a plan for us, but it doesn’t make it any easier to trust Him or feel like I can when this world is so uncertain anyway. I am in doubt, but I can’t seem to get away from God. Even if I am deciding to live inside my own fears and live in this doubtful circle, I can’t seem to not reach out to Father. I can just picture Him looking down at me with a twinkle in His eyes and a smile on His face, saying, ‘just be still and know that I am God. Just know that Nicole. BE STILL! Just release your anguish on Me and I will give you rest.’ He wants me to ‘release’ something I don’t even want anyways. That doesn’t seem too hard, but oh gosh, it’s horribly hard. Its hard not to fear and not to have doubts and be uncertain of things in my life, but I ‘can’ do it. It has been done before, and I know Father has seen me go through similar things, but man, it can be really, really tough.
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Friday, March 7, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Freedom BEYOND Our Fears
Why does fear seem to be at the surface in every person’s life?
Fear lives in and through politics. That fear of who is going to be our new president in the next election. A Fear of having the ‘wrong’ person in office and taking control of this country and putting many lives in danger. A fear that lives in and among our households; a suspicion of a spouse cheating, a fear for our children’s safety in our public schools, and a fear of not being accepted by others. Fears of the unknown or losing a loved one, (a fear of death). Fear of losing a job, fear of not having enough money to pay the bills, or having enough to even feed your household. The list goes on and on. You know, I think fear is the the biggest force that motivates people into doing things that they aren’t otherwise, willing or wanting to do. There is also fear formed in our local congregations. A fear that drives pastor’s and leaders to manipulate and control others to ‘pay up’ and tithe, so they, the pastors and leaders of the congregations can feed their families. They use the threat of Hell and use ‘alter calls’ to bring people to a fearful God. Any so called sin, and every wrong doing imaginable to enable others to fall into fear of what will happen to them if they don’t confess their sins. Fear is a force that strives on hurting and destroying the hearts of people. For some, fear rides on the bases of their entire lives. It has a way of controlling our thoughts and sometimes even our actions.
I was listening to a pod-cast from Wayne Jacobsen and Brad Cummings on The God Journey called, Freedom From Fear. They have some awesome conversations about how fear manipulates our thoughts even on how we perceive God in our lives. Some see God as an angry God, who is waiting for anyone to slipup. A God who doesn’t see His people through loving eyes, and uses fear and judgments to push and manipulate people into following Him. Some actually believe that God is a conditional loving God, who only justifies His love on the good a person does compared to how much bad a person does, and how some think God sees people from a Superior position. Yes God is Superior to me, BUT he came to earth to show me that He has felt the same as I and loves me enough to die for me through everything He has gone through. God in fact, desires a relationship with me for no reason other than the reason that this fearless God who wants nothing more than to love ME, and wants to be my Daddy, and in that, He allows fear to have NO bases in my life. Yeah, I have moments that I am fearful of things; I am a person just like anyone else. However, knowing where I stand with Father I know and understand that Love conquers fear and therefore, fear has no ability to be in my life. It sure would like too, but it can’t because Father has won me through His undivided, and unconditional Love that will last for eternity, and that my friend, is Freedom.
Fear lives in and through politics. That fear of who is going to be our new president in the next election. A Fear of having the ‘wrong’ person in office and taking control of this country and putting many lives in danger. A fear that lives in and among our households; a suspicion of a spouse cheating, a fear for our children’s safety in our public schools, and a fear of not being accepted by others. Fears of the unknown or losing a loved one, (a fear of death). Fear of losing a job, fear of not having enough money to pay the bills, or having enough to even feed your household. The list goes on and on. You know, I think fear is the the biggest force that motivates people into doing things that they aren’t otherwise, willing or wanting to do. There is also fear formed in our local congregations. A fear that drives pastor’s and leaders to manipulate and control others to ‘pay up’ and tithe, so they, the pastors and leaders of the congregations can feed their families. They use the threat of Hell and use ‘alter calls’ to bring people to a fearful God. Any so called sin, and every wrong doing imaginable to enable others to fall into fear of what will happen to them if they don’t confess their sins. Fear is a force that strives on hurting and destroying the hearts of people. For some, fear rides on the bases of their entire lives. It has a way of controlling our thoughts and sometimes even our actions.
I was listening to a pod-cast from Wayne Jacobsen and Brad Cummings on The God Journey called, Freedom From Fear. They have some awesome conversations about how fear manipulates our thoughts even on how we perceive God in our lives. Some see God as an angry God, who is waiting for anyone to slipup. A God who doesn’t see His people through loving eyes, and uses fear and judgments to push and manipulate people into following Him. Some actually believe that God is a conditional loving God, who only justifies His love on the good a person does compared to how much bad a person does, and how some think God sees people from a Superior position. Yes God is Superior to me, BUT he came to earth to show me that He has felt the same as I and loves me enough to die for me through everything He has gone through. God in fact, desires a relationship with me for no reason other than the reason that this fearless God who wants nothing more than to love ME, and wants to be my Daddy, and in that, He allows fear to have NO bases in my life. Yeah, I have moments that I am fearful of things; I am a person just like anyone else. However, knowing where I stand with Father I know and understand that Love conquers fear and therefore, fear has no ability to be in my life. It sure would like too, but it can’t because Father has won me through His undivided, and unconditional Love that will last for eternity, and that my friend, is Freedom.
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