Wednesday, September 16, 2009

There’s no place like home….

I am finally writing because I have a few hours that belong to me. It has been very rare to find anytime to just sit down and write anything really! I haven’t had any time to even think about things that I have normally thought of in regards to God and freedom. I miss that! I miss the flow of thought I once had. I miss the presence of God! Lately, I have been home sick, and I am not joking! Things here are hard to live with! It’s hard to deny this any longer! It was nice at first because it felt like a vacation, but now reality is setting in, and I am not sure if I can live with this for the long haul, which is for a year!

The school we are working for has a lot of problems, and I get the brunt of all the issues that pile up! Everything is so un-organized, and no one communicates about what is expected! It’s seriously like a guessing game about what we need to do most of the time! The people who we work with at the school are bullies and fight for control and take pleasure in tearing into others. Rumors start like forest fires and due to that, there is a lot of drama with the staff. I try and make peace and kiss ass, but right now I am fed up with people that I am with 95% of my time here! It sucks! The only pleasures I get from the school are the kid’s that are in my preschool class, and even they can be way overwhelming. I have 14 2/3 year olds enrolled in my class, and that is already up to capacity for one classroom! The classroom alone is not that big, and we literally don’t have enough chairs to seat all the children for class work, and yet, they still are enrolling children… In the states, the capacity to one teacher is only 9 to 10 children per teacher in preschool that is, so this is way over capacity in my opinion! I want to have a meeting with the director about this, but even that is a process, and doesn’t happen when it needs to! It wouldn’t be an issue, if I had an assistant, at least I could share half of the burden to keep the children in order, but I don’ even have any help when I need it. I do have someone help me with transition periods, like lunch time and snack time, but that is it! If they want me to succeed with this many children, I would think they would consider giving me more help or stop enrolling children into my class. Who knows how it will end up!

Or accommodations are okay, but we have been trying really hard to get internet at our house so we don’t have to be at the school more than what is required just to use internet. We are there enough, let alone on our off times for the use of internet so we can keep in touch with family and friends! This has been a huge issue! Jonathan and I have looked into getting internet at our apartment, but, apparently it’s a huge process as well! You have to be a resident here in Costa Rica in able to get a phone line to your apartment. Since we are not long term residents here, we have to hire a lawyer to form a corporation, and that costs a lot of money up front and takes several months to get that done! So, not being able to call anytime or get online for me has been super tough! That is a big reason why I have not had the time to write a blog!

My attitude has been horrible! I sleep a lot on my days off, and feel like there is nothing else to do but read or watch TV. We don’t have money to go exploring and everything here, just like in the states, cost money. We are trying to conserve because we only get paid once a month, so we can’t go anywhere or do really, anything. I am getting claustrophobic, because we haven’t gone anywhere else since we arrived. I am homesick! I would do anything to get out of here! I know that sounds bad, but, there has to be a reason why we are down here! I just don’t know what it is. Make a difference I guess in these people’s lives, and maybe add character to our lives. Who knows!

I know this is a depressing blog, but, please pray for us that things start to turn around for us! It is still a journey worth taking, though I have to remind myself everyday!

Just being real!

10 comments:

Michy said...

Hey girl sounds like you are on quite an adventure! Don't feel bad, I use my blog to vent all the time ... it's good to let it all out. Will be praying for you 2, for you to find pure joy in your surroundings!

Sue said...

Hey honey, wow, sounds like there's a whole stack of challenges going on there. Hang in, dude. You gotta expect to be feeling pretty disorientated ... such a big thing you guys are doing. I imagine it would be totally overwhelming quite often. Hang in ... good to hear from you!!!

Erin said...

Cheer up! You officially live closer to Sue than I do! LOL!

I am certain this kind of transition will have a long learning curve, but it will eventually feel more like home. I'm sure of it.

I will pray peace and comfort to you, and most importantly, internet at home! Because we all know that's what makes the world smaller.

Daveda said...

I will keep you in my prayers. That sounds like it would tough and a bit overwhelming for anyone.

Just remember, one day at a time. Try not to get upset about all the stuff you cannot change...give it to the Lord and trust that you have His favor. Look to Jesus, He knows what He is doing even when we don't. I am sure that you will bless people more than you realize during your time there. I am sure you know that, but we all need to be reminded sometimes :)

You are blessed and favored, a blessing wherever you go, You are able, and loving and kind, lead by the Spirit in all of your ways! this is what God says about you, this is the truth!

Rachel said...

Hi Nicole! Great post...I know what you mean about being home-sick...you think it will be so awesome to go somewhere new but then once your there for a while all you want to do is go home!!!!! Funny, isn't it? But what a great challenge...are there places to hike where you live? Are there libraries or museums? Can't wait to see pictures and in a few years you will look back and think of these moments as the happiest of your lives!!!! Much Love!!!!!

Nicole said...

Thank you all for the sweet encouragement!

Things are looking up and Father is providing this opportunity for growth! Challenges are inevitable, but it just comes with the process, and I am blessed to be able to have the chance to grow....

Thanks again you guys for checking in and for the amazing encouragement!

Many blessings!

Love, Nicole!

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