Monday, June 30, 2008

I Am That Stupid Pedestrian

So, I have been doing a lot of walking and have been enjoying the outdoors so much! I have found great pleasure in walking downtown being a pedestrian. It has been a challenge at times; keeping out of the way of moving automobiles, and obeying the pedestrian laws out on the streets! I will be walking down a street and if there isn’t a stop light I usually just bail out onto the cross walk expecting all moving vehicles to stop at the presence of me, that stupid pedestrian. It has definitely been a challenge figuring out if cars will stop or not, even though usually the pedestrians have the right away especially if they have the right street signals! Also, I have been finding some awesome wide bike paths to walk on right by the river. I love to walk by running water because I love to watch it. With my iPod on and me jamming out, I tend to sing out loud, and if I get really into it I find that I almost cause bike collisions while I do that! Bikers will ride fast by me, and glare at me because I am in the way, and as I look back I notice that there are other bikers right behind me trying to get around me without hitting the other bikers that just past me. Oops! I just smile and look down hoping I didn’t just almost cause a bike collision. Yikes! Being on foot almost all the time now is new for me; I have walked, of course, in downtown areas but nothing like what I have been doing these days; where there are tons and tons of people and cars in small spaces! It can get kind of hairy and scary sometimes, but I try to keep my eyes open, and make sure I am not going to cause an accident, especially with me included! That would completely suck! I am usually safe but perhaps I trust too much in drivers who aren’t used to stopping for pedestrians, and who will ignore or pay no attention to the traffic signals and go on ahead without looking out for pedestrians. (I have been that driver before) I hope to become a smart pedestrian in the future as I get used to life on foot!
It’s been fun!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Simple Expressions of My Heart!

I am overjoyed by how much Father has been showing me lately! It hasn’t been anything extravagant but simple and easy! I used to think Father couldn’t show me himself in ways that I now see him! I am amazed and blown away everyday now!

This weekend I have been alone, due to my husband being gone on a weekend camping trip with his best friend! At first I was sad to be alone; I hate to be alone or at least the feeling of it! I was trying to figure out what the heck I was going to do by myself this weekend…. Father had some ideas that I decided to follow! I have wanted to pursue my artistic side and now that I have basically all the time in the world to do so, I did! With a simple following of my Father’s voice, he opened up many doors for me to pursue art. First of all, I rummaged around my new little town to explore and see what kind of art shops Durango had to offer, and to my surprise, I met some amazing people who, I can’t remember their names at the moment, work in the local art galleries here in town and were just the sweetest people who I was able to talk to about my artistic abilities, which are limited at the moment due to NOT doing art in a while. Anyway, it was such a pleasure walking around and seeing what is available to do, like take some art classes, and join art clubs in the area!
It is incredible! Well, it doesn’t take much to find things like this in any local town, however, it takes energy and for some reason lately I have been feeling no motivation to go out in the world and find stuff to do! (Sounds ungodly, I know) but perhaps, just perhaps Father desire’s us to get out and pursue things in the world?! I feel freedom from Father and even a push, if I may, from the H.P to experience His work and His desire for me to pursue my passions with Him in this world. It’s been a joy ride that’s for sure! I am intensely satisfied with my life and for that I give Father all the credit!

Praise Him!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Same Time, Same Place To Chat???

Hey All,

Just wanted to see if anyone was up for chatting again this Sunday same time as last Sunday???

Times will be 5pm Pacific, 6pm Mountain, 7pm Central, 8pm Eastern this Sunday....

Hope you all can make it! This should be really fun again I know I had a blast last time talk'n!

Also, if there is anything that we could possibly pray about maybe we could squeeze some time in to do that, either way let's just take it as it comes and have fun!

In Freedom, Nicole!

Monday, June 23, 2008


Why can situations turn a good day sour? It is amazing how circumstances can turn ones gladness into mourning! It reminds me of the wind and how it comes so unexpectedly, and all of a sudden the wind is here hard and strong; you don’t even see it coming. Like a loved one passing, or things that one is looking forward to, suddenly fall through. I guess having high expectations can cause a hard fall once those expectations aren’t met to the standard you set them. I have done this several times in my life, thinking and expecting something to happen and it doesn’t, then I am wondering what I did to stop whatever it was from happening. I ask God sometimes what I did to prevent things, was I not trusting Him enough? Was I using my eyes and flesh to only to see what I thought was necessary? Today was the day we were supposed to get the check! It never came. I am left in dark without understanding. But doesn’t Father tell me not to lean on my own understanding, but acknowledge him and he will direct my path?! So I have read in scripture; but wow, this can be so tough when it is actually is put to the test. I have to think that Father allowed this to happen for me to grasp what real trusting must be like in order to rely completely on him. I was reading the word today, and it hit me, I am a worry wart!

Matthew 6:25-27 +33-34

Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what will you wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all of these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow. For tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own.

What else can I do but trust ultimately on Father and He will do the rest! Provide. God is my provider and sometimes that is so hard to keep on the forefront of my mind. It’s so easy to take the reins away and run for it!

I am not known for my riches or material items, not for my looks or hairstyles, I am not known, at all, but only by the one who made me, precious and rare like a field of wild flowers that turns into bloom once a year. I am nothing, but something only to God, who finds good in a girl who doesn’t have anything to give but a hurting heart that needs to be filled up by her maker and will then become renewed and full again. Priceless is my Father who cares and loves unconditionally, and understands what we go through in every circumstance.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

I Assume So

I see many people who think different, act different even believe certain things differently, but ‘they’ as in some, seem to put themselves under the label of Christian. It doesn’t take much to call one a Christian these days as long as they do the key requirements in able to wear the badge, then you are a Christian, right? How could I honestly walk down the road and over hear two people talking about their church organization and know in my heart of hearts that they truly live ultimately for Father, it may give me a clue that they ‘know’ about God, but how do I actually know that they have a relationship with Father? It seems like the norm to qualify people as Christians if they go to church and bible studies and keep all the rules that apply to a ‘Christian’ according to their religious institution. However, does one really know ones heart’s by focusing on ones external performance? I can break the label “Christian” or “Believer” down into certain groups as religious institutions have done, but that doesn’t do anything but complicate how simple believing is and if you want to call this Christianity than do so. However, my point isn’t to bash certain institutional labels but to put the spot light on where Jesus is whether he is working in and through all of that and also working outside of that. I believe that Father can use people in institutions to shine Father’s light in the world, but, it’s not the institutions that do this, it’s not the building, structure, organization of sermons and bible studies. It is people, and the rest is just extra stuff. Father has amazing ways to use one person to bring His glory to the world than an army of mega churches. I believe He designed us individually to follow him, and in and through that unifies all of us, as the bible says, the body of Christ which is every single person who knows Father in an intimate way.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Life Is A Story

Today I picked up “Wide Open Spaces” by Jim Palmer, which I started months ago on our way to Hawaii for my husband’s job interview. Needless to say, I haven’t picked it up since. I guess the last 2 to 3 months of my life have been over-the-top busy with finishing up my job and moving. Anyway, as I was skipping through the pages of Wide Open Spaces, I looked in the back of the book and I wrote something I remember on the plane because I didn’t have any extra paper and Father was ministering to my heart about what I was reading! So, I thought I would share it with you… It sounds like a correlation of writings I learned from John Elderage and Jim Palmer, but in my own way of writing…

Life is a story and in each chapter of change we experience in our stories, Father is unfolding his story in and through our own. The changes we face may include struggles and unpleasantness, but also joys and adventures; who are people we meet along this journey through this untold, yet foreseen story. It is particularly unique to each individual who see’s and experiences this story as a real and honest reality of their own existence. In knowing and living in Father, comes His unconditional love that lavishes in ones story in some way or another. Whether we receive it or even see it through our own trial and error, or situations that don’t necessarily spell out the word /u n c o n d i t i o n a l/ love, in His own mystical way, He can still show us that he loves us in this way. Could it be that the way we perceive Father’s love in our lives are skewed and still aren’t completely exposed by what true love from Father really is in our lives? It could be that Father’s love is too in depth and vast that we can hardly come to grasp of what exactly His love is like! I think we may be getting a taste of what that love is like here on earth, but haven’t started to understand the mass of His existing love in our own stories on earth until a new book of our lives began when we live with the Almighty God in a place I have heard of, called Paradise.

Okay so I tuned it up a bit and added half of the paragraph that Father just gave me! I love to go back and find stuff that I wrote a long time ago and figure out what Father was sharing with me during that particular time. And it is so inspiring to my journey now, and how I could just continue where I left off. It is truly a joy to me to see Father’s presence in my life through writings. Not in a self righteous kind of way, but it’s a comfort to know that I still to this day believe and talk to the real unchanging God in my life. Praise Him!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

First Comes Trust, Then Comes Provision

I have a story for you about Father’s full grace and mercy…

This week I have been struggling with trusting God, and as a result having fear take precedence in my life. We just made the big move and that basically took our entire paycheck last week and pretty much had nothing left over because of bills that we paid that were still waiting to clear. It has been an on edge scary time financially for us. We had approximately 40 dollars to live on for one week until he gets paid, well I had to get gas and got just enough to get us around town and the rest went to groceries, and let’s just say it didn’t last. Well, once I did those two things, we are penniless. On another note, we were waiting for one of my husband’s clients, who he was doing contract work for prior to our move and still needed to pay him for work he did for this guy months ago and he kept putting Jonathan on the back burner and not paying him, well, Jonathan has told him that he will not do anymore work for the guy until he pays up. So, this week has been really stressful not knowing where the money was going to come from. Well, all I could think about this morning was how we were going to make it for one more week, and really stressing and worrying about it, and so I went to visit Jon at a park near his work and released my angst about this issue, let’s just say I wasn’t trusting in Father and only allowing the fear to take place and not allow the H.S. to do his work in me! My kind and amazing husband simply said, it’s out of our hands and in God’s and now we must trust Him. It isn’t really that hard to understand, but actually trusting Father and giving my entire burden to Him was harder said than done! While I walked back home I prayed and said, ‘okay God, I will trust you, I will give this to you. It’s too much for me to handle by myself.’ So, I did! Talk about releasing I was beginning to just live with the reality that we are under and being okay with it. Just this afternoon as I was chilling Jon calls me and tells me that his client is going to send the check today and we will receive it tomorrow! I was completely shocked because we weren’t expecting that! It hit me, as he was telling me that, and once I decided to trust Father and get out of his way, Father was able to move forward and provide! How cool is that! He is always filled with outstanding grace and mercy!


Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Does Anyone Want To Talk?

Hey All, just wanted to see if anyone was interested in scheduling a time for all or some of us to get together and talk on yahoo messenger! I am pretty flexible and can pretty much chat anytime! Let me know if anyone has a time in mind, maybe this weekend sometime?!?!?

Let me know!

Love ya all!

Love In Freedom, Nicole!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Done With The Worst

Well, I can actually say that we are officially moved! Praise HIM!!! It was tons and tons of work and thanks to the most amazing parents in the world who took time out of their lives to make the move happen in less than two days!

We moved our entire lives and put them in boxes and put everything we owned in a U-Haul and drove over 6 hours and unloaded most of our stuff, and filled a storage unit with the rest of it in a matter of two days.

Moving takes so much energy and time and what I have learned is one really knows how
much they actually own once they make a move across a state or even to another location. Wow, I have a lot of crap!

Now I have to unpack and decorate which is probably the best part of moving (if there is a best part)!

So, Father is real gracious to us in helping us pull it off in one weekend! Go God!

Friday, June 13, 2008

Spiritual Abuse: What is Spiritual Abuse? 1/7

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Spiritual Abuse Forum

Hey, I ran across this website called the church abuse and they have a forum; it seems like a ‘safe’ place for those who are recovering and healing from SA.

Feel free to email me personally if anyone needs support or someone just to talk to and who will listen!! I am here!

You are NOT alone in this…

Love In Freedom, Nicole!

(you will need to copy and paste the web address, I can't seem to get it to post as a link!)

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Religious Systems Can Never Take The Place Of God

You are a newcomer at a new christian church, you are invited in with smiles and gratefulness. You are showed the ropes; where the tithing envelope is kept, and what the rules of the church are, and how to 'get involved'. You start to get excited hoping that this time will be different than the last three churches you attended thinking, this is it, this is the one that is different. You filled out all the forms to get involved, you're ready to make a difference. You become so accustomed to how and what your place is, you attend every small group bible study, worship practice, and every worship service. With anticipation and great hope for something different you start to recognize all the similarities in this church compared to the three others you left in search to find the perfect church. You start to get lethargic because you can no longer see the hunger you once had. That hunger was for God, that hunger that was never satisfied by the Holy Spirit , no matter how hard you worked and tried, it never came. You became so tired, you had nothing else to give to God, because you gave it to others who took and took, and never thought twice about what they were doing to your relationship with God. You start to pull back realizing that this is the only way you are going to survive and find God again! Elders of the church start to realize that you're not involved as you once were, they start to question you and have concern. They offer to take you out to lunch and 'help'. You comply and go out to lunch. They question your faith, and why you aren't tithing as much as you were in prior months. They ask you why you quit going to Monday, Wednesday and Friday night small groups bible studies. You are honest and sincere, and tell them that you are exhausted, and needed a break, and can't seem to see God in the midst of how busy you have been in the church. They are astonished at your reply, so they muster up every scripture verse to pressure you into not giving up and still follow through at what your calling is. They manipulate you into servicing their system and trying harder. They don't try to provide any encouragement but tell you that if you do what you need to do in the church you will be closer to God again and if you don't, God will not be close to you and will punish you. They then wrap up the lunch meeting with a prayer asking God to give you strength to do His work in the church. You leave empty and hurting more than when you first got there. You are alone in this, no one understands your desire to know God on a different level of expectancy. You then leave this church with hopes, again, to find the one church that will fulfill your relationship with God!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Have You Felt Like This Before? I Have!

"Broken" by Scott Stapp

Why are we overcome with fear?
What if I told you that fear isn't real.
Why are we overcome with death?
What if I told you my friends your doubt
You could live without!

There is a question I want to understand
Why can't everyone tell the truth and learn to love again

Do you know...what it feels like to be broken and used
Scared and confused
Yes I know

One more question...I know time is dear
Is what the world speaks of love really real?
The answers not of this world but very clear
Look above to find love and you found eternal life

Street corner preachers you've heard before
Friendly advice just gets thrown out the door
There is a question that I want to understand
Why can't everyone tell the truth...and learn to love again

Do you know...what it feels like to be broken and used?
Scared and confused
Yes I know...what it feels like to be broken and used
Scared and confused
Yes I know

I'm Broken!

You can listen to this song at the bottom of my playlist!

It's incedibly powerful...

Sunday, June 8, 2008

My Inspiring, Fun/Loving and Indifferent Music Menu

Music plays a huge role in my life, most of my thoughts about music are from Father and how he relates to me. It’s hard to compile all of my thoughts about music into a couple of sentence so bare with me while I go on and on about how music effects my everyday life.

Most of where my inspiration and depth of love for Father comes from music and it doesn’t have to be Christian, and honestly most of what I love is not Christian music. Ever since I was probably in high school or younger I found some pretty inspirational music from the band Creed. Creed is not a Christian band; they are secular alternative/rock band that started in the mid-to late 90’s. Father used them to open my eyes to how sensitive I am to life behind the microphone. Meaning, what inspired this artist to create such amazing lyrics. If you search on you tube, you will find some amazing songs that Creed has written and even some interviews that Scott Stapp, the lead singer has done! Very intelligent and an amazing musician!
It’s all about the mood and I love all different Genres of music anywhere from soundtracks to hard rock music! My mood swings are wacked because I could go from soft classical soundtrack music to some heavy metal hard stuff in one day! Sounds bizarre I know, but that just how I role! LOL!

Other Musicians and bands that I love and have inspired me are: Benjamin Gate, Coldplay, Enya, One Republic, Pete Stuart, R.E.M. Red, Sheryl Crowe, Stevie Wonder, Snow Patrol, Sade, Skillet, Switchfoot, Five Iron Frenzy, and Vanessa Carlton. The most inspiring and moving songs are from Benjamin Gate. They are a Christian band and I have been listening to them for years. They broke up a couple of years ago, but Adrienne, the lead singers voice is the most amazing voice I have ever heard, she gives me the chills and her lyrics are the most heart wrenching lyrics I have ever come across! She has written so many songs that just bring me up close and personal to how I feel about Father and who he is in my life. BG is definitely up there in my book.

Movie soundtracks that I like are: Braveheart, Chronicles of Narnia, Gladiator, Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility, and The Notebook. Great music to completely chill and get lost in! I love it! All of these movies are great, but they wouldn’t be as good if they didn’t have their soundtracks to back em’ up!

Now to the indifferent and fun/loving music: Ace of Base, Amberlin, Andy Hunter, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Brandy, Chevelle, Dave Matthews Band, Duran Duran, Matchbox Twenty, Michael Buble’, Michael Jackson, Plumb, Royksopp, Squirrel Nut Zippers, and Evanescens. I think all of these bands are great to listen to! Royksopp and Andy Hunter are more of electronic/techno bands, fun and awesome to travel on long trips with. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy’s and Squirrel Nut Zippers are both Hyper Jazz music! Fun stuff!

Well, that about wraps up my music menu! If anyone has questions ask away! I would be glad to elaborate upon your request!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Yahoo Messenger!

Hey all I just got a yahoo messenger ID and wanted to see if you all were serious about wanting to meet up and chat?!?!

If you are you can email me and give me your yahoo ID's and we can start the fellowship chat soon!

Hope to hear from you!

In Freedom, Nicole!

Monday, June 2, 2008

Obedience Will Follow

Is God more concerned with us being obedient to him, or having a relationship with us that flourishes to something great and overwhelming? I have thought about this and it seems that many christains seem to focus on what we “have” to do for Father and “obey” everything he says than engaging in an authentic relationship with him. If you think about it a servant can’t have a real and deep relationship with his master because the rules and regulations of the job seperates the connection that they could have with one another. If I treat my christian life like a job, then it is looked completely different than if I treat my Christian life as a precious and organic relationship with my maker that cannot be forced to be anything else than what it is! I have heard it put this way; If we are focused and live like children of the Father, than NOTHING can separate the relationship that is shared and the cool part is, is obedience will follow because we aren’t forced or obligated to obey. That last sentence is so refreshing. The pressure and angst of all the so called ‘christian standards’ fog and destroy a real and amazing relationship with Father that we can experience and with that we wouldn’t want to disapoint our Father because of how important Father has become to us!

I love the freedom and depth of Father’s grace!

Sunday, June 1, 2008

We're Finally Moving!

Well, lots have kept me away from the blog world~ We are finally in the process of moving to Durango! Father has provided a place for us down here and I am so happy! We move in this coming weekend! As far as our condo goes, we thought we had a renter last week, but the proporty management company called me last Thursday and said that they haven't completed the renting application and paid the fee so they said they were going to continue showing it to others until someone follows through! Its a process and I am trying to be patient and wait on the Lord about this! Father has a plan I just know it! Anyway, this is why I haven't been roaming around to other blogs and writing on mine!

Have a lot of blog posts I've been thinking about writing and hope I get to writing again soon! Keep com'n back to see what is new I try to keep my blog updated as much as I can!!!

Much Love and Freedom!