You are a newcomer at a new christian church, you are invited in with smiles and gratefulness. You are showed the ropes; where the tithing envelope is kept, and what the rules of the church are, and how to 'get involved'. You start to get excited hoping that this time will be different than the last three churches you attended thinking, this is it, this is the one that is different. You filled out all the forms to get involved, you're ready to make a difference. You become so accustomed to how and what your place is, you attend every small group bible study, worship practice, and every worship service. With anticipation and great hope for something different you start to recognize all the similarities in this church compared to the three others you left in search to find the perfect church. You start to get lethargic because you can no longer see the hunger you once had. That hunger was for God, that hunger that was never satisfied by the Holy Spirit , no matter how hard you worked and tried, it never came. You became so tired, you had nothing else to give to God, because you gave it to others who took and took, and never thought twice about what they were doing to your relationship with God. You start to pull back realizing that this is the only way you are going to survive and find God again! Elders of the church start to realize that you're not involved as you once were, they start to question you and have concern. They offer to take you out to lunch and 'help'. You comply and go out to lunch. They question your faith, and why you aren't tithing as much as you were in prior months. They ask you why you quit going to Monday, Wednesday and Friday night small groups bible studies. You are honest and sincere, and tell them that you are exhausted, and needed a break, and can't seem to see God in the midst of how busy you have been in the church. They are astonished at your reply, so they muster up every scripture verse to pressure you into not giving up and still follow through at what your calling is. They manipulate you into servicing their system and trying harder. They don't try to provide any encouragement but tell you that if you do what you need to do in the church you will be closer to God again and if you don't, God will not be close to you and will punish you. They then wrap up the lunch meeting with a prayer asking God to give you strength to do His work in the church. You leave empty and hurting more than when you first got there. You are alone in this, no one understands your desire to know God on a different level of expectancy. You then leave this church with hopes, again, to find the one church that will fulfill your relationship with God!
Not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond image. -- Mona Lisa Smile
Hi! Thanks for coming by and checking out my blog. If I had to tell you anything about myself and why I write, it would be this...
I love to write about things that inspire me or captures my attention, or merely what is happening in my life. I don't proclaim to have it all figured out, but I do know this, that I am simply human that has problems and I am not afraid to expose them here. Vulnerability and being authentic is something I strive for, even if it looks ugly at times.
So please feel free to come and have a conversation with me. I can't wait to dig in deep with you!
I am learning how to live loved by God and embrace His grace that will help me fly in freedom. Let the wings of grace take me, all of me, for who I am and not for who I should be.