Thursday, October 29, 2009
Passion, inspiration and insight are usually the factors that lead me to write, or in other words, the reasons to pour my heart out. And so I write!
Christian Religious Aggression; Yeah, I added aggression because people are fighting for something that is built around religion and not relationship. We no longer fight for love or for each other, we fight for control and coercion to which we believe is the will of God. It is to keep this religion alive, that is the goal. Is that where we get our will to fight? We will do what we can to gather more religious nuts to the pile, in order to fight. Because we are afraid, afraid of what will happen if we don’t fight for it or add to the pile! And yet, doesn’t this way of living contradict the reason for calling oneself a Christian in the first place? A people who call themselves Christ-like, but act the opposite of Christ. Our determination is birthed out of fear. Our weapon has become violent aggression to which we fight for something that is dead in the first place, man-made religion.
My friend Kent said this recently in a post on facebook;
“The added baggage to the only foundation leaves us with a distortion that is difficult to break free from and the civil religion exploits fear to the point that many never ever question it because they are constantly warned not to.”
So we are trapped, and instead of questioning our own aggressiveness, we fall fervently in-line to fight! Yet, the theme that I sense is most noticeable through it all is violence and evil just to win the battle under the name of God. This to me seems very dangerous and I even question if God is behind this aggressive Christian religion at all! So many, including myself were born into this religion and were fed it from the day we were born. We didn’t know any better, but do we? Have we ever come to a place where we have questioned, even if it was a very small question, we wondered if Christianity was really God? I tend to think that Christianity itself has become a god. A religion that craves for popularity and success and that is driven by aggression to become the best. Even if it means we have to go to war and spread blood and violence. We will do what it takes to win, to be the best, and to make sure the world knows who we are. I no longer see God in this picture. It has become about the human man, a popularity contest, than Christ himself. It’s dangerous, and it’s evil!
The simple message of Jesus has been lost in the religious spin…
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.”
In The Christian religion, it seems that this hardly applies.
Posted by Nicole at 1:40 PM
Sunday, October 18, 2009
I have had some pretty bad jobs where the work environment becomes almost like a battle ground. It’s not the place, but the people in which I have worked with day in and day out. So it seems like the school we work for is very much like this. There are people who will go the extra mile to stab us in the back even when we never have done anything to them personally. I try to go the extra mile to smile and be nice and loving even though I know they are being pretty defiant or evil in many ways.
I remember when I worked at this coffee shop in college; there were more than just people battles, but also spiritual battles going on as well. I would have dreams about it! The coffee shop was located in this very ancient building called the Val Verde. It was an old Hotel and Restaurant. There were many corrupt things taking place while I worked there. The owners and managers had some huge financial problems, and my managers tried to fire me a few times for absolutely nothing. Yet Father was there and protected me from those who saw my light and wanted me gone. I felt Father telling me at the time that I was the light in that place. I had many costumers come back to the coffee shop just because I was working there. I did what I could to not let the darkness and crap be noticeable to my valued customers. Since the building was so ancient, it was known to be even haunted. My dreams correlated with the spirits that lived there. One dream is still very vivid and real in my memory. I went to the coffee shop to work one day, and saw these spirits dressed in long black robes. I looked at them not in fear but in boldness and told them to look me in the eyes, and they couldn’t. The minute I tried to look at them, they ran away in fear. So, I chased them, and once I caught up to one, I grabbed its cloak and it turned around and I yelled, ‘look at me’. Then, poof, it immediately disappeared. There was such a darkness there that at times I was hesitant to go back and I just wanted to give up because the evil there had become very heavy and hard to deal with. But, once I had this dream, Father gave me confidence that nothing would harm me and that darkness could not withstand the light.
It’s been very apparent that some at the school have bad intentions towards Jonathan and me. But my goal is to love where love is absent, and through it all, love will prevail. We have asked and wondered why we are put in these kinds of situations, but I think it’s because through stuff like this, we learn and grow and spread love and light to where it is absent. Even if that is all we accomplish down here, I believe that this experience has served its purpose!
Posted by Nicole at 12:02 PM
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Last night I had a dream; A dream that woke me up in a daze. As I once shared here before that my biological father died when I was 10, in my dream, he came back to life. It was so real and vivid, that I could explain to you exactly what he looked like when he was alive to what he would look like now if he was still alive! Pretty creepy I know, but please bear with me! In my dream I was 20 years old, which means he would have been dead for 10 years. I remember trying to calculate this in my dream too. In my dream he looked about the same as he did when he died, but of course a little older! His smile was the same, as his sharp cheek bones raised up as he smiled! He had a gummy smile just like me! He was tall just like my brothers, with a bald spot on the top to back of his head, and probably today would have more grey hair, for he didn’t have any at the age of 45 when he died. When I first saw him, I was shocked and amazed that it was him. It was my dad, the one who I haven’t seen in 10 years. It was in a way surreal, and unbelievable. My first reactions were shock and a complete urgency to run up to him and squeeze him before he would disappear like a ghost! I could feel a flood of emotions rush over me, and the flood gates opened as my tears blurred my vision. I felt like a little girl again, while I stood there holding on to my dad who I thought was gone forever! He didn’t say much, but I remember him holding me tightly. We were in Payson Arizona for Christmas staying with my Aunt and Uncle, which are my dad’s sister and brother-in-law when I first saw him. My mom was already married to Jimmy my step dad, so they were staying with some friends in the same town. My brothers and I would always stay at my Aunt and Uncles for the Holidays, so this would not be uncommon that this would be happening in my dream. For some reason my dad had to leave somewhere, but I remember vividly that I really wanted some time to talk to him alone, and to ask him what happened. Why did he leave, or die, or where did he go exactly. It was quite confusing as to what exactly happened to him in my dream, all I knew for sure was that he was back, and I wanted to get to know him again. Have a conversation with him as an adult, instead of a child. I remember that it seemed to be real hard to get him alone because everyone wanted his attention once he was alive and well! My dream ended suddenly after that vivid thought of detail. I can’t even start to understand why dreams end so suddenly like this! I wish I could have finished it. I want to know what happens! I think dreams are like movies sometimes, and cut off right in the middle of a scene or intense part. I just wish there were sequels to dreams as there are most movies! I woke up just flabbergasted. Wondering why and what this dream meant? I prayed about it today during work! There had to have been a reason behind such a dream. Then, it occurred to me. The urgency I had in my dream to talk to my real dad in person is the same exact urgency I have for my heavenly Father! My spirit craves and longs for His voice, His visions, His love, and His Spirit! Though, I am not always awake or conscious enough to notice. Was this a wakeup call from the Spirit?! That He would use my biological father as an image to draw me closer to Him? I fully believe this to be true! Does this sound crazy?! Probably! I think the Spirit works in mysterious ways, and I think this way is very mysterious, but at the same time, very amazing! Did I see this coming? Absolutely not! Father knows where the most tenderness parts of our hearts are, and he most certainly touched mine. Not to bring me pain or grief, but to awaken my spirit to His. It’s a longing that I have for Him, and this was the way Father knew would bring my longing for Him farther out!
Posted by Nicole at 9:01 PM
Thursday, October 1, 2009
It has been several weeks, months even, where I have had the time to think or process anything but what my life is caught up in lately.
The other day I was inspired to write a blog after listening to a conversation that my husband was having with a friend about purpose. I frequently question my purpose. I think it’s necessary to explore the meanings behind things in order to understand what God is doing. It makes sense to me when I have such a dialogue with Father about the “big picture”, and rarely will the details make sense once I get a glimpse of the purpose, but I think that is just part of the process.
I believe that this life isn’t just about our final destination, but how we live this journey out, and through that finding purpose, and satisfaction in and through this thing we call life! Sometimes I wonder why so many people settle for so little! The predictability of this life and the way many justify their life by measuring it to success, or stability/wealth, safety, or certainty. Nothing is out of control because we think we have it under control. Situations happen, but it doesn’t take long for people to get control again. These are things I think I am beginning to understand and even learn to live without. It’s not like I or anyone has to live without these things, but it’s just a personal choice in hopes to grow and learn more outside of a predictable and stable life.
This is related to why I also think that many live by written principles and biblical restrictions only. Principles and written rules and to do lists are predictable, and easy to correlate ones life around. Think about it, relying on the Holy Spirit is tough, because I don’t see God as being predictable, or easy to read necessarily. Being in tune with His Spirit takes us out of our comfort zones because following Him in this way is not as cut and dry or easy. Rather, it teaches us to relinquish control of how we live or think we ‘should’ live based on certain principles or biblical guidelines, and even challenges us to stop relying strictly on man and principles.
Just some thoughts I have gathered. Please feel free to add any thought you may have about this! I would love to have more dialogue about this!
Posted by Nicole at 6:50 PM