The first note in a new song always catches me off guard. Then following are the next several notes that run smoothly in its course. I pause and listen, waiting impatiently for the chorus, and once I hear it, I am nothing but satisfied and currently find myself in my past remembering my life as a child, once as a little girl who lived in a happy home, completely satisfied. What did I think about back then? What do little girls think about? I was always in a hurry to grow up. The older I was the more things I was able to do, so what I thought, but what about my innocence? Was I to know it would be damaged or taken from me when I was older, or losing a life that was so near to me that I couldn’t imagine life without him, until he was taken from me? My mind was back then, filled with butterflies, flowers, dreams, expectancies of what life would bring. Never to think that life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Pain, loss, dreams fade, events take place that literally can and will catch you off guard that will take months and months, even years to re-define and find yourself again. And so it goes for me, if only I could have put the brakes on time, and slowed things down so I would be able to take a good look on where my thoughts were taking me, and what exactly I found to be important in life back then as a child. What were the things that built my future to make it reality today? Events, memories, family, God? What does God think about my life? I can remember that he never left my side, even if I felt like he wasn’t there. He was somewhat quiet, never in a hurry to speak, and always was patient with me, even as a little girl, when I was not listening or obeying my parents, he would sit on my bed with me and just be there with me. Did I realize his presence back then? I was always told to pray, but talking to God was more to me than saying a prayer. I would write it down, so it would never be lost in the void of time, but always there to reflect on where my heart was and where he was in it. My past is just a reflection of notes that were played, and how the song sounds as a whole. But this song is not over yet, for it still has more notes to hit, and choruses to play and the Orchestrator of life is who will define me.
Not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond image. -- Mona Lisa Smile
Hi! Thanks for coming by and checking out my blog. If I had to tell you anything about myself and why I write, it would be this...
I love to write about things that inspire me or captures my attention, or merely what is happening in my life. I don't proclaim to have it all figured out, but I do know this, that I am simply human that has problems and I am not afraid to expose them here. Vulnerability and being authentic is something I strive for, even if it looks ugly at times.
So please feel free to come and have a conversation with me. I can't wait to dig in deep with you!
I am learning how to live loved by God and embrace His grace that will help me fly in freedom. Let the wings of grace take me, all of me, for who I am and not for who I should be.