Thoughts Roaming Inside Nicole's Head

I always had a hard time relaying my opinions, thoughts, convictions and really just the way I live my life. I always stumble over words, trying to get my point across or ideas to mean something other than nothing to some. It’s hard to explain to a person why I don’t go to church. My faith is not based on whether I go to an institutional congregation, although when I was attending, that was my life or where I put my identity. However, I have become so disillusioned by all of that which used to grab my attention in the institutions. I used to think that going to church kept me out of trouble, or grounded in so much good. But now, I feel the opposite. It’s not like going to church is now looked upon as a bad thing, or in my case it wasn’t bad, but, it sure hasn’t been as productive as one would think… Even that isn’t a good way at looking at it. No, I think that in my case, as like some, the institution is now looked at as a system in which takes from you then gives or adds life. In order to be a part of it, you must give something; money, gifts, time, effort. This giving wasn’t focused on God, nor was it for God, really, it seemed more for keeping the institution running… Like a business, in order to keep it open, you must put forth money, time, and effort. This is what a lot of churches look like in America. I don’t think I have ever attended an institution that didn’t want something from me. This isn’t really how the body of Christ is supposed to run, nor does it really produce real family life with other believers either. It’s focused on how much you ‘do’ or ‘give’ than on whom you are in the family of God.

Here are some questions to ponder on…

Are you experience true family life with other believers?

Are you attending an Institutional Church because you think you have to in order to be right with God?

How deep are you willing to go with God?

I think about these questions a lot. I thought at one point that going to church was the time to sit down, listen and not speak. No real transparent deep fellowship happened even though these church settings such as this were called fellowship! I did used to think that in order to be right with God I had to go to church on Sunday. I think I found times outside of the church walls deeper times with God than inside. Even though it felt like church was a time set aside to spend time with God and go personal. I hardly did, I just sat there and listened half-hazard like.