Monday, June 8, 2009

Ultimate Reconciliation? Is it possible?

I know this title is a bit over my head as far has having ultimate reconciliation with God, but what I have been wondering in the last couple of days is if this is possible to have this with people. When two people get damaged by each other almost to the point of no return, I almost think that when we deal with flesh and blood, there is not much forgiveness or room for complete reconciliation as there would be with God. I think there are grudges and wounds that are held onto for far too long that prevent ultimate reconciliation to take place. It seems like it is easy to base relationships on the outcome of circumstances that take place, and not the foundation on which the relationship was founded on. Maybe that happens because the changes that happen in and among the relationship. I am just throwing out some thoughts to try and get my mind wrapped around this. It is so easy to put my boundaries up when I feel like I have been taken advantage of or in some ways completely abandoned by someone who I thought would never leave me or desert me. However, even through the worst of what I have experienced with relationships, I wish I felt strong enough to let all the angst go and learn to fully trust those who have hurt me the worst. I was talking to someone about this the other day, and my friend made a good point and said, ‘you can get to a place where you feel comfortable sharing life with someone who has damaged you, but there will always be a hesitation to protect yourself from that person. Things will never be like they were, and maybe that is just reality.’ This is a place where I struggle when it comes to be just like Father. I always fall short, but maybe that is the point; I will never be just like Father, and even through all my striving and efforts, I will always fall short. I am beginning to be okay with that! Maybe coming to ultimate reconciliation with someone is beyond our abilities. Maybe because we are mere humans, our effort and abilities will always fall short to ultimate reconciliation with others.

Any thoughts out there?


Vanessa said...

Wow, Nicole. This post really hits home with me on so many different levels. One of these days we will talk about it over a glass of wine. In the meantime, I believe that every morning we wake up with a choice to take the risk and love those who have hurt us. We may not ever be able to fully trust those who have wounded us, but we can choose to live out Proverbs 3:5-6 and know that He is growing us through broken and mended hearts. I do believe that ulitmate reconciliation between people is only possible if both parties are willing to truly submit to the life-changing power of the Spirit. Even then it takes much nurturing and patience. I so wish I had the answer to this question TODAY. Thank you for keeping us thinking...hugs!!!

Rich said...


This is a place where I struggle when it comes to be just like Father. I always fall short, but maybe that is the point; I will never be just like Father, and even through all my striving and efforts, I will always fall short.

My question is this, why and where do we see ourselves falling short, unless we’re interpreting His love for just like the only love we’ve ever known, a hideous deformed thing ‘called’ love, but truer to the point, is nothing but trying to measure up, aka, performing?
In our “struggle” to be “just” like our Father, are we seeing ourselves as He does, loved without trying to better qualify by a better performing?
Just pondering as I be wandering and wondering is all, I loved your thoughts very much!

Sue said...

Hi Nicole,

You know, I think it depends on the timing of where you are at. It's a process. I had someone staying at my house half a year ago who had done some pretty bad things to me earlier on in our lives. It is an ongoing - even a shocking to some I am sure - enterprise to have anything to do with him at all.

Six months ago, I was deep in the midst of stuff, the wounds of which he himself had partially caused. So having him around was a real struggle. I did it as best as I could, but I was feeling pretty resentful.

I saw him again a week ago when I went interstate to visit relatives. He is staying with them in a caravan and trying to work out what to do with his life next. And it was fine seeing him. Good, even. I feel like I can lay down the past and just be in the present. I couldn't do that six months ago.

There is someone else I know for whom even the thought of any kind of friendship or relationship at all is just complete anathema. I think there needs to be some sort of sitting with the reality of our emotions, if that is what we feel - even if it doesn't sit in our paradigm of a person who is becoming more christlike. We do have internal alarm systems, and sometimes even if we want reconciliation, we are not anywhere near ready. It takes time for the inflammation of the hurts to subsdide.

I hate that thought. I struggle with this so much :(

Apologies for the blog post length of this comment, but I just had another thought before I was about to hit "publish". My relationship with my father was really crappy because basically he was just no good at emotionally connecting with his kids. I remember a couple of years after I became a Christian I sensed God saying to me, "I want you to forgive him." Oooh, boy, did that stir up some resentment at God? Absolutely. It was his fault that our relationship was no good. He was the father, I was the child, he did not do his part to be a father to me. Who was I to forgive him?

You know the score, I'm sure. It is so hard to forgive, and that too is a process. My relationshp with my father is better these days than I could ever have thought (although still having to operate within the confines of his own skewed alcoholic socially autistic personality) and the inflammation from those wounds has passed too. I would never have thought that was possible.

It is nice to remind myself of that. It is possible. It just takes more time than we think, sometimes.

Nicole said...

Thank you all for responding!

Vanessa, love is a choice and it is one I make daily, but sometimes am not conscious enough to notice when I am not walking in love! Its a process for me! I am glad you came by cousin! Its awesome to get your thoughts!

Ohh Rich, I love it how you use questions that more than likely lead to the answers that my heart knows. We do think we have the 'right' kind of love, even the same as Father and we also think we are just like him! Someone just recently told me that we are to be perfect like our Father in heaven is perfect... Even though that is what the bible says, we will never get there, ever, and I really don't even know if that is what He meant when he said that, literally speaking its absolutely impossible, and trying to reach that goal I think defeats the whole purpose... It then becomes more about me and what 'I' do, and less about who God is, within us!

Sue! You are awesome! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and struggles here. You make a great point! It is all about the process in which we go through! I think I am definitely going through a process to love those who have hurt me, and I know one of these days, if I have any say in the matter, that I will be able to share life with people who have done me damage again! Reconciliation is possible, and only in God's timing! Good call! I love that!!!

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