Saturday, December 22, 2012

Clouded


I can't get passed this. It creeps up on me all the time. My mind is like a cage, taking me places that I care not to even mention. What else is there to do, but to be lost. To be a fallen victim of my mind. I've been held captive for so long. All I want is to be free. Its striking really to see where I was and compare it to where I am today. I want to scream for help. For relief, but its as though my cry is silent, afraid to take flight. Its like a dream, reaching for something that does not even exist. I could be in a crowded room and feel so clouded and alone. But maybe its all made up in my head, where my soul knows it not, but my mind tells it so. A raging battle between my soul and mind. Who will win in the end? Who can overcome this fight? I can't seem to see the light. When I think I see a glimpse, it has faded into darkness. I've come to a place where I don't even recognize myself anymore. My mind has become someone my soul doesn't even know. So deviated from reality, from that which I used to know to be so real and true. I've believed a lie and it feels as though I've become one myself. How is it possible to know anyone else if I don't even know myself? I have so much pain that I've become blind. I'm falling to pieces.

I'm not looking for sympathy or a sermon. I am just trying to find myself again.

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