Marvel

There comes a time in my writing process where I need to distinguish between the searching/seeking part in which to write, and what to record what I have found. In a sense its like switching gears. I wonder why my curiosity never seems to be satisfied with what is given in just one day. Most days are dull with necessity, but I have days like today that the flow of fulfillment and meaning in my life is unending. But, what do I do with all these check marks and absolutes? And though each and every part of what I am finding has meaning and connection, my problem lies with finding ways to articulate it with simple words. When my heart is empty or I feel alone in life, I look for meaning in everything. This isn't necessarily helpful or good, but its what I do in order to cope. When I am searching, I am looking for direction and a path that I can be certain of. When I find meaning behind what is happening in my life, I'm looking for the big picture through the confines of words and their definitions, lyrics of songs, movies, phrases, signs. Anything that seems to literally grab my mind from reality to consider the possibility of what that could mean in my reality. I'm sure if you are a frequent visitor to my blog, you were wondering why I bombard my page with these music videos or songs. Its because I find meaning that is expressed perfectly through the lyrics that can only be explained through them. My meager attempt to explain always fails and disappoints my focus. The thought process becomes intrenched with the deep longing for direction and right perceptions. Many of my experiences in processing information on the (right) or (wrong) scale of things, always leaves a void because of the loud/self-critic lack of approval and acceptance that comes to the forefront of my mind, which in the long run defeats the entire point of writing and processing this information in the first place. Two major thoughts that I have held onto for the past couple of weeks are: I cannot own anybody's problems but my own. And, the past does not own me.