I have thought about changing in ways in which I think other people want me to change. Sometimes its my physical appearance, other times its my attitude and choices. Anything really that I think people could benefit from if I decide to change things in my character. However, I have thought that just changing for others isn’t good, so I would think that maybe its God who wants me to change things, so I would do what I could to rearrange things in my life and change what needed to be changed. Then I would think, wow, what if the things that I think Father wants me to change is only coming from me, and only me? What if I care way too much about things that Father doesn’t really think about as bad things! I have decided to just throw in the towel and not try to give myself these standards that won’t really do anything for my character, but only add more ‘things’ to the list of things to accomplish in my life. Changing for other people to please them has always in the past left me empty and sad. I don’t know what it is, but sometimes I have worked really hard to do things differently and show people how much I care and am interested in being in their life, but for what I have experienced in the past it just builds up to nothing, and in most cases all that effort and energy becomes helpless when I find out that it does nothing for others. The standard I feel like I have held on my shoulders becomes so heavy that it drains me until I am left dry and can’t give anymore.
I am ready for a paradigm shift in my life! Make it a HUGE one! I am tired of feeling empty after trying so hard to give, when it doesn’t do anything in the first place. At least I don’t see the fruit of it. It becomes such a burden that I am getting to the point of realizing that there is really no point to live like this any longer. Pleasing people and loving people are two big different things. I want to stop trying to “please” and “give” my all to people, and just to simply find the peace of loving freely with no expectation of myself to be this pleaser person and give more than I can handle! I am not against giving, but when it becomes a standard that I must follow through on being this certain person for others becomes more of a burden than that it is worth, especially if it doesn’t do any good in the first place.