I am a person who loves people! I look forward to meeting new people and engage in great conversations whether they are deep and personal or just on normal casual stuff. There is always a risk involved in friendships/relationships that form when I release my true self and become vulnerable and completely exposed to others. I have tried not to focus on the risk that is involved when in the process of being real. I focus on the possibilities of discovering a new life. However, after much thought and experience recently, I think that perhaps it wasn’t the smartest way of doing relationships! It has hurt to be real and in some cases has even broken some close ties between a couple of friends and I. The focus however, changes when I am in these relationships not just for myself, but also for Father and his desire to come through in them. I have come to the conclusion that Father has used me in people’s lives and when that time is over and its time to move on, I am learning to be okay with that! Now, its not exactly the way I thought some relationships would turn out, and I used to think part of the risk was to overcome differences and grow in more of a deeper friendship, but that doesn’t always happen. If one of both parties isn’t interested in pursuing each other in the relationship, than it cannot be forced to grow. It is what it is and no matter how much I would want it to be more and grow, I can’t make it happen! I am getting to a better place of understanding that Father will put people in our lives for moments at a time, and when its time to let go and move on than its okay! I have struggled with this so many times losing people as friends and trying to figure out what I did wrong to lose these friends. All I can say is I gave these relationships a go and now it was up to the others that were involved. Whether they wanted to pursue me back or not, now that I know that they don’t want any contact with me anymore, its time to move on! I have started to realize that maybe my struggle partly was thinking that the more I invested in these relationships, the more these relationships became God to me, but God needs to be God to me and not people or relationships! I now like to think of relationships more as great learning lessons that Father will use to draw us closer to Him. Isn’t that what its about in the first place? I think so! I am in a better place now and am learning to allow the natural unraveling occur in these friendships and letting them be what they are.
Not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond image. -- Mona Lisa Smile
Hi! Thanks for coming by and checking out my blog. If I had to tell you anything about myself and why I write, it would be this...
I love to write about things that inspire me or captures my attention, or merely what is happening in my life. I don't proclaim to have it all figured out, but I do know this, that I am simply human that has problems and I am not afraid to expose them here. Vulnerability and being authentic is something I strive for, even if it looks ugly at times.
So please feel free to come and have a conversation with me. I can't wait to dig in deep with you!
I am learning how to live loved by God and embrace His grace that will help me fly in freedom. Let the wings of grace take me, all of me, for who I am and not for who I should be.