I have decided not to become a hermit and stop posting or sharing what is on my heart, regardless of the reactions I get! I am not out to attain peoples approval anymore! That is what I have come face to face with! Before I wanted people to agree with me, to find good in me so that I may feel justified by what I write about! That is no longer my goal! I am wanting to get to a place where I know in my heart that I am loved by Father, and am approved by Him even on my worst days, even when I don’t have good intentions, or lack the ability to give grace! I am capable of many evil things, but I am willing to give that to Father and find that through all of my mistakes I will be able to accept that He still loves me! Learning to live loved is something that I continually strive for, but I just can’t get there! It is something I have dealt with for years, but have denied and have not attained because I have based the approval of man in accordance to God’s own approval of me!
Today I have been thinking about a place where I want to be; it is a place that allows me to have the freedom to make mistakes, or think wrongly about things. Where I can be myself and become vulnerable! I don’t know if that is possible to find that here on this planet! I struggle a lot, and fail more, and still am left alone. I want to be where Father is, I want him to wrap me up in his arms and hold me, even if I am filled with the worst things in my heart that is imaginable! This is when I say, I need you Papa, I really need you, and I can’t continue living in denial of how much you truly love me. I can’t live with sin and be alone! I want to find a way out of this mess I have created for myself and to rest in the presence of my God! Only Father knows my heart, and I hope and pray that even if it looks dark or gloomy, that he still finds a place in there somewhere that I love him and though I am just human, I want to believe that I am cherished by Him! Through my brokenness, there is healing!
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7 comments:
being freed from the fear of man and the need for approval is a wonderful thing.
Amen! A long time coming, but, it is definitely underway!
Here is something that Rich said that really really ministers to me!
"Do I wholeheartedly trust that God likes me? (Not loves me, because, as you will recall, God loves by necessity of His nature.) If you too can answer with gut-level honesty, “Oh yes, the Father is very fond of me,” there comes a relaxedness and serenity, a compassionate attitude toward yourself in your brokenness, that elucidates the meaning of tenderness."
God not only loves me out of necessity, but he LIKES me and is very fond of me!
Thing rings true on every level! I just have to learn to believe it!
Wonderful post! I can relate with your post, and feel a oneness with you on this very thing.
I have found that when I try to get myself, to a place, I focus on me, this leaves me frustrated. But when I look to Jesus and what He has done for me, and ask God to remind me that He is enough, I focus on Him, I experience His peace and love.
Wonderful post! Thanks for sharing!
"Today I have been thinking about a place where I want to be; it is a place that allows me to have the freedom to make mistakes, or think wrongly about things. Where I can be myself and become vulnerable!"
Nichole, that sentence describes GRACE beautifully. GOD lets us make mistakes and He still loves us totally. Such a pity we set such stupid high standards for ourselves and others. Our Heavely PAPA does not do it!
Go for it girl, live YOUR life, Papa loves you.
Nicole,
Simply loved, hearing and seeing the longing of His heart, His hold on you, drawing, calling you ever deeper into what is already yours!
What we call 'mistakes' He calls growth, growing up, continuing to grow up in the grace and true knowledge of Christ and His love.
This reality of His unconditional love for us is a totally foreign proposition based upon how we have been groomed with a mind set that only sees things based upon our performance.
Much of what we think we see about 'ourselves' is nothing more than the lie-Matrix we were born into.
Simple being re-birthed did not eliminate the fact that our soul needs salvation every bit as much as our spirit did!
The richness of His fondness for you is unfolding in every breath you take..breathe deep the breath of your Father :)
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