I have decided not to become a hermit and stop posting or sharing what is on my heart, regardless of the reactions I get! I am not out to attain peoples approval anymore! That is what I have come face to face with! Before I wanted people to agree with me, to find good in me so that I may feel justified by what I write about! That is no longer my goal! I am wanting to get to a place where I know in my heart that I am loved by Father, and am approved by Him even on my worst days, even when I don’t have good intentions, or lack the ability to give grace! I am capable of many evil things, but I am willing to give that to Father and find that through all of my mistakes I will be able to accept that He still loves me! Learning to live loved is something that I continually strive for, but I just can’t get there! It is something I have dealt with for years, but have denied and have not attained because I have based the approval of man in accordance to God’s own approval of me!
Today I have been thinking about a place where I want to be; it is a place that allows me to have the freedom to make mistakes, or think wrongly about things. Where I can be myself and become vulnerable! I don’t know if that is possible to find that here on this planet! I struggle a lot, and fail more, and still am left alone. I want to be where Father is, I want him to wrap me up in his arms and hold me, even if I am filled with the worst things in my heart that is imaginable! This is when I say, I need you Papa, I really need you, and I can’t continue living in denial of how much you truly love me. I can’t live with sin and be alone! I want to find a way out of this mess I have created for myself and to rest in the presence of my God! Only Father knows my heart, and I hope and pray that even if it looks dark or gloomy, that he still finds a place in there somewhere that I love him and though I am just human, I want to believe that I am cherished by Him! Through my brokenness, there is healing!
Not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond image. -- Mona Lisa Smile
Hi! Thanks for coming by and checking out my blog. If I had to tell you anything about myself and why I write, it would be this...
I love to write about things that inspire me or captures my attention, or merely what is happening in my life. I don't proclaim to have it all figured out, but I do know this, that I am simply human that has problems and I am not afraid to expose them here. Vulnerability and being authentic is something I strive for, even if it looks ugly at times.
So please feel free to come and have a conversation with me. I can't wait to dig in deep with you!
I am learning how to live loved by God and embrace His grace that will help me fly in freedom. Let the wings of grace take me, all of me, for who I am and not for who I should be.