Friday, February 15, 2008

Being a True Friend

As of late, I have been pondering on the meaning of being a true friend. What provoked this thinking is my awareness of a friend who has been absent for a couple months now and hasn’t made any effort to communicate to me. This stirs quite some disturbance in me and so I felt that I should follow up with an email and just say hi. I didn’t bring up what the problem was, but was just checking in to say hi as if nothing was wrong at all. I think about the pattern I see myself following when it comes to maintaining friendships. When I first meet someone I try to spend a lot of time with them to get to know them and find myself doing nice things for them and going out of my way for them as a newfound friend would. Sounds good so far right? Well, eventually when we have known each other for a while and the newness of the relationship starts to cool down, communication in some instances on the other side of the friendship starts to die, then when I don’t get pursued at all, its like they lose interest in me all together, and in return I give up pursuing them. Now, you’ve heard the worst. I can’t really understand why this always happens but it seems like it is weighing on me pretty heavily. I want to stop this pattern and get over myself and never stop loving them and following up with them regardless how well they communicate to me. Last night I was talking to my husband about this issue and he said that the reason they may not be talking to me is not because of me but because of them and you have to respect where they are and just be there for them even if they aren’t there for you. It hurts, but he is right. My deep down heart felt desire is to be the best friend I can be to all my friends and not let pride and selfishness get in the way of that. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” John 15:13. I want to be like Jesus and lay down my life for my friends whenever they need me. I want to be there for them even if they aren’t there for me. Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” I may be that brother/sister right now, but I hope if I don’t accomplish anything great in this life that I am remembered as a person who loved at all times and was there regardless.

8 comments:

Walking Church said...

Friendships will go through seasons of coolness and hotness . . .it is just the way it is.

Knowing what I do about you - I doubt anyone could ask for a better friend.

Hang in there and be yourself. Your hubby gave good council.

Hang in there sis...be the bigger sis.

Nicole's Godblog said...

Thank you so much! Very encouraging words you gave. I will be alright! I am glad that Father has opened doors like this for us to share each others hearts! Thanks for listening and caring!

In Freedom and Love, Nicole!

Aida said...

Hi Nicki,

I understand your struggles in this area. We've talked about this before and I deal with some of the same issues.

I think Walking Church made some great comments. Friendships do go through seasons. Also, I believe some friendships are for a particular season and then they're over. It's hard when they're over but sometimes that's one of the former things we have to forget in order to move into the new thing that Father has prepared for us.

While it's right to continue to be available if someone needs us, sometimes we just have to let go and allow the friendship to die. That's not always easy to do and I'm not saying that's the case with this particular friend. I do know that you hear and recognize Father's voice so I believe you'll be led by his Spirit as to when to reach out and when to hold back.

I agree with Walking Church. Even though we haven't met face to face yet, I consider you a good friend and I couldn't ask for a better one. We've been friends for a while now and you've always been a source of encouragement and inspiration to me. Jon is right. You're definitely not the problem.

Lots of love,
Aida

bob said...

Well I would love to comment here but walking church and Aida have pretty well said everything I would say.

When I was growing up we moved a lot (my dad's company transferred him) so I learned to make friends very quickly but not get too close because I knew we would be moving.
Remember, no computers in those days. In my adult years I have found like walking church said, friendships have seasons. People we used to hang around with we don't ever see any more. Situations, interests, paths and availabilities all change.

When Jesus was asked who his neighbour (friend) was He told the story of the Samaritan who was a friend to the man who was robbed and left to die. I doubt they hung out together afterwards but they were true friends.

Your friend in Him
Bob

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