Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Getting Over Myself!

Ever since I found this journey that allows me to be myself with Father freely has really helped me let go of my self-delusions that I used to hold onto. One was guilt. It always played a huge role in my life as I was committed to feeling guilty for every sin that I committed towards Father and family. I would allow it to take such a huge grip that it would kill me to even talk to Father about my sin. I couldn’t do it, I would be miserable over one thing I did for a number of days and not let the thing go. I would allow it to destroy my level of so called integrity and strength that I had. I used to think it was Father punishing me for the sins I committed. It was that ugly and depressing. However, when I entered this newfound life with Father, it became clear to me that it was a battle I put on myself. God had nothing to do with it. It was all about getting over myself and seeing that Father still loved me and wanted to cradle me in his arms. Now, a week or so ago, I was real ugly to my husband, and said unbearable things, it didn’t take long for me to step right back into my delusion of guilt, but as I was praying and releasing my sin to Father, the whole problem vanished and the shame lifted. It was a miracle. I was set free from that guilt trap and from myself to see that Father wanted me to let it go and as I did, I started looking forward.
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