Any form of relationship can be probably the most messy and complex thing to ever experience. Sure, you could have lots of friends or ‘relationships’ with people, but never become vulnerable and expose your true self without the fear of getting trampled on. Today was very interesting, because I was actually doing some ‘blogging’ and reading other blogs on my list and came across 3 blog posts that had the same topics, relationships. It was very remarkable to me because once I read them all; they seemed to say the same type of things but were expressed of course with different words. A real friend is hard to find, but even the real ones can become undone especially if those relationships are self-based. Why is it that I have invested so much time, energy into one person and I ignored all of their flaws and didn’t want their personality to be known for what it was really doing to me, and that I played along for so long, and loved for so many years, to find myself now internally injured with wounds that aren’t easily ignored. I got the title of this blog from a quote from Kent Burgess. (I hope you don’t mind me using it Kent!)”The deeper the love goes, the deeper the bruising”. I truly believe every word of this quote. It is scary to love, it is painful to love, and though I am still learning this, I chose to become vulnerable and allow my heart to be walked on just for the sake of loving. My intentions were not to gain anything, although my hope of course was to experience the same affection and dedication as I gave. If I would have known from the beginning of this relationship that things would have ended like they did, I am not sure if I would have had the strength to endure in a friendship for so long to make it last as long as it did. Was it worth the pain? I think it was definitely worth this growing experience that I am going through. It has taught me a great deal of things, which I am compared to who I was, and learning how to deal with regret alongside the loss that has been experienced. Is it truly growing my character? I hope so, I now know what NOT to do in similar circumstances. Do I still love? I do my best, though I know I am still growing in Father’s love, but I believe He is teaching me daily how to love the way He loves even though there are times where I am far from mastering it. I believe Father has experienced the same kind of bruising from many who have disowned his love. His love has no bounds, though when His love is rejected, I bet He feels that lingering pain that is similar to when we are disowned or rejected. Though, He still finds a way to continue to love the same way He did before He was rejected.
Not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond image. -- Mona Lisa Smile
Hi! Thanks for coming by and checking out my blog. If I had to tell you anything about myself and why I write, it would be this...
I love to write about things that inspire me or captures my attention, or merely what is happening in my life. I don't proclaim to have it all figured out, but I do know this, that I am simply human that has problems and I am not afraid to expose them here. Vulnerability and being authentic is something I strive for, even if it looks ugly at times.
So please feel free to come and have a conversation with me. I can't wait to dig in deep with you!
I am learning how to live loved by God and embrace His grace that will help me fly in freedom. Let the wings of grace take me, all of me, for who I am and not for who I should be.