Friday, January 25, 2013

Shattered




The moments come when all that remains is brokenness. The strive for finding the reason's why are much deeper and unimaginably out of our reach. There are things in my life that I have done that has enabled some of this to come to pass, but, those are outside sources. Who knows what the hell planted those seeds deep inside my soul that are much larger than anything that I have done or will do. The spirit is screaming for release when all its left with is broken pieces. Its strange though, through all of this broken discovery, I feel more alive. I sense it being more than what I can comprehend. This may not make any damn sense, but learning to accept myself in the process of loving myself fully is the beginning of really seeing who I am in and through this broken and tormented soul of mine. I'm am who I am, nothing can change that. Altering behavior couldn't change that if my life depended on it. Sin, flesh, wounds, strife, failure, exhaustion; they still exist regardless of what I choose to do. But on the other side of the coin, acceptance, perseverance, freedom, encouragement and unconditional love still remains. They all seem so polar opposites, but they exist at the same time. Dividing forces that are fighting for control. The battle is much bigger than my meager attempt to choose a side, but whats to decide on anyways?  

5 comments:

Sue said...

Ahh, is there any bigger seeming chasm than the one that we have inside of us? The polar opposites - the evil on the one side looms so large; surely it should overpower the light on the other. And yet it doesn't.

I'm sorry you are suffering so much :(

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