Monday, August 11, 2008


Lately, Father has really opened my eyes to what I think Father sees in me and who I am. I used to allow people to take advantage of me to the point that I was ALWAYS available to hang out whenever it was convenient for them and when they wanted to. I thought that this was the way to make friendships and allow doors to open for realness in relationships. I now see that this actually does more hindrance to me than it does any good for any relationship. I have put on the brakes and in the process of figuring out how to be the realest friend I can be to people I feel I can be free to be myself with. I have friends who don't allow this to take place so initially I just don't try anymore. I have given up trying to please and be who others think I need to be and becoming unleashed from people's expectations and demands. I am tired, and find that I put way too much effort in people who don't honestly care. I have done this for a huge part of my life and Father has given me the freedom to close those doors and not become a tool for someone to use for their advantage all the time. Now I can't say that I am good at telling people no, or having the power to say what I want or need, but learning how to do it with love and kindness and out of respect for them and myself. This process is not easy for me because I have trained myself to allow people to take advantage of me and in the long run I end up getting hurt. Father is really helping me be strong in this area of life but at the same time have the balance of love for people who don’t necessarily love me back. Furthermore, Father has really started bringing people into my life through cyber space that are going through pretty much the same things that I am with friendships, and I really think the timing for such friends couldn’t be better. We have been corresponding for about a week now and it has really been blessing me to because I can be myself and I don’t have to put on a front and that allows this relationship to be so real. Don’t really have any friendships like this and it truly has been a God thing… So, I am becoming unleashed and learning that I have the freedom to me who I am without feeling guilty or bad about a darn thing…

That my friend is FREEDOM-


Laura Ege said...

Wow, Nicole, great post!! I love your courage and honesty as you step into new depths of freedom!

I went through something like this intensely a few years ago. Somehow I got this crazy idea that God wanted me to give of myself without reservation to anyone who was in my life. And yes, that translated to being used/abused on more than one occasion. I finally realized this way of being in relationship with certain people was, in reality, killing the very heart of who God created me to be.

Amy said... sweet sister. Love you.

I'm also so proud of you, and so excited about how you are growing, learning from this experience. I'm equally delighted in how you are listening to Papa as he guides you.

You aren't the only one finding your way through the field of friendships - how to have them, who, how to love them and in loving them, "teaching" them how we'd prefer to be treated...with the respect and kindness we are hopefully pouring into them. It's not an easy process. I definitely am learning, growing, and wrestle with this adventure too. Yes, it's hard at times, but Spirit reminds us all that true relationships are worth it...and in true relationships...both parties will "stick around" as we each, yet together, make our way through the unknown trying to "be" the best possible friend we know how to be.

Amy :)

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