I like to explore the depths of my heart; how I view things and find significance in my thoughts regarding my purpose and the intentions of my heart. I think sometimes people tend to think they know or understand the intentions of my heart, when in reality if I have a hard time knowing and understanding all the intentions of my own heart why do some think they know them better? For me, I go through stages of understanding things that Father shows me and even my developing beliefs and when those get questioned, I get scared, and uneasy about everything. People’s words, especially those closest to me really make a difference even if they think they don’t make a difference. My family knows me well enough to know that I am very easily influenced by what they think! I can’t lie, I really feel like I take their thoughts and advice seriously. They are important to me and what they say really means a lot to me. Sometimes I have a hard time articulating my position on issues especially in face to face conversations, and sometimes sound like I have fallen off the deep end on some things, but the problem is, is I just have a hard time getting my thoughts through my mouth and usually things will come out flaky. Oh, but when I blog, things for the most part come out loud and clear. I don’t know why really, but I guess having time to think about things, helps me get them down in writing. Well, let me just say some things about the issue we discussed during my recent visit to my parents house. We were talking about cussing and were going through each cuss word and talking about their origins and meanings. Okay, I know this doesn’t sound like a nice and perfectly clean conversation, but then we started talking about the convictions that come with it when we use these certain words. In this particular discussion, I had a hard time articulating my heart and the intentions of it. I for one, cuss on a very minimal bases, and find that I don’t keep track of the cuss words I say when I say them, I find that if I try to keep track and be on top of every word that comes out of my mouth, I will get sucked back in to the track record that Father doesn’t even care about. Yeah, I do get convicted at times and when and if I slip up, I ask Father to forgive me, and move on, instead of living in guilt over it. I don’t think it’s worth the time to live in guilt over hideous words that will soon be forgotten. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I am in a habit of cussing, nor would I say that I keep a tight tongue either. I won’t normally cuss in front of people especially those I don’t know, but find that I have a loose tongue in front of those that I feel unconditionally loved by. I posted a blog the other day that talked some about if my heart is in the right place then I would not want to do these things. It’s true, when I usually cuss, my mind is on fleshly things and in order to change, I have to get my heart and head in the right place to find my pure sanity in Father. So in regards to the intentions of my heart, I ask Father daily, (or most days) to give me a pure and grace filled heart and mouth. I do slip up and make mistakes, but I know in my heart that Father finds favor in me, and I want to speak words that confirm that.
Not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond image. -- Mona Lisa Smile
Hi! Thanks for coming by and checking out my blog. If I had to tell you anything about myself and why I write, it would be this...
I love to write about things that inspire me or captures my attention, or merely what is happening in my life. I don't proclaim to have it all figured out, but I do know this, that I am simply human that has problems and I am not afraid to expose them here. Vulnerability and being authentic is something I strive for, even if it looks ugly at times.
So please feel free to come and have a conversation with me. I can't wait to dig in deep with you!
I am learning how to live loved by God and embrace His grace that will help me fly in freedom. Let the wings of grace take me, all of me, for who I am and not for who I should be.