Emotional Downfall

I am so frustrated right now, I don't know where to even begin. I started the day out nice and peaceful and to end up feeling so damn irritated and my heart is beating with hate right now. I hate myself for over reacting over things that don't even matter. I hate that I say stuff that may cause others pain. I struggle with who I am on a daily basis, and I can't seem to shake this ugliness that I see inside of me.

Today of all days, I just can't understand why God lets things happen the way they do. Maybe this is part of his character that I can't quite get my mind wrapped around. I don't know whether to be mad at God or myself for being so damn shitty and stupid. I know its me. I cause myself most of the pain and grief. I wonder why I care so much about things such as these. I am feeling so heated right now.

I just read online that someone's dad past away and how their hearts are probably all grieving, and I have been there before. I lost my dad when I was 10. That pain I shouldn't wish on anyone. It's hard, its tough and it's so damn shitty.

On top of that, I made assumptions about my bosses perceptions of me that I just found out were untrue. I had a conversation with a friend that probably left them lost and even worse off than what I was meaning to do... All of these circumstances don't relate, but, this pain that people are going through is KILLING me, in a emotional sense. I am so mad I don't even know where to begin and why I am feeling so much grief for others right now! It all came to a head just a few minutes ago.

There's something inside me that wants to scream at the world right now, and I want to fight and be there for people who are undergoing so much pain and uncertainty. But I feel so helpless it fucking sucks.....