Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Resisting Desolation



In recent posts, I have shared my fears about moving to a place where I will feel stuck and fear of having no opportunities for work and recreational entertainment. I gather that since growing up in a small town with no place to explore or have anything to do, I figure Grants would be much of the same.

I think God has EVERYTHING to do with this move. I was sharing with a friend about my fears and how at first I was thinking maybe God was punishing me for putting us in a place that is in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do. I've come to realize God is not out to punish me or cause me grief over something like this. I find it has everything to do with Him wanting to know me more. And sometimes it means moving to places so desolate and isolated from civilization in a means to perhaps get my attention. There won't be as many distractions there, and so I figure this time there will be a time where God will be exploring my heart more deeply, as I dive into His.

I've resisted the thought of moving to this place ever since Jonathan mentioned a job opportunity there that he then applied for. This resistance is birthed from fear, and I want to get to a place where I can accept this move no matter how long we may be there, but that has not come easy for me.

One thing that has made it easier is Jonathan and I are planning a three month trip to Italy next summer. We've decided since we are living in Grants, and it will be a cheaper place to live, we decided to take next summer and go explore the world. I am very excited for our trip, and believe that God has opened the door for us to be able to travel, hence living in Grants and this job opportunity Jonathan has. In many ways, moving to Grants is a blessing in disguise. I assume that since I have something to look forward to and prepare for, living there won't be so bad.

I have a tendency to look beyond next summer, and find that Jonathan would be fine living there for years to come. That thought scares me. I don't want to raise kid's in that place, or even start a family when and if we do, especially there! But I always fixate on things that are not a reality so I guess I will cross that bridge when I get to it. Right now, I just got to get my heart prepared and open for what's to come in this transition. One step at a time! Stay tuned.....

7 comments:

Rich said...

Nicole,

I love the ongoing unfolding story Father has called you into and it just keeps getting better.

For what its worth I want to pass this along to you my friend.
We have ALL been so stained-conditioned by our first birth of I am not, and out of that lie we cannot dare to look at what's going on in us at a heart level, but..in our 2nd re-birthing, we have been joined to our new heart where in the foundation to our living has become "I AM!"

All that to say this, believe it or not, in that good heart of yours is a longing desire to fully embrace this next chapter and season He is leading you into.
We have all been so conditioned to still see things from what use to rule our lives, "fear" but that is not what fills our new heart at ALL!

The old lies and ways of living (if we could ever call it that) are displaced not by might, but out of stepping 4ward into the much more Father has for us.

Rich said...

I love what a brother said years ago; God doesn't give us overcoming life, but gives us life as we overcome (step forward).

Nicole said...

Thank you Rich for sharing this with me today! I am blessed and touched more than you know! As you well know I feel like my emotions have taken me on a whirl wind ride and some days I am much more aware of this second birthing as you say, but on other days, I am much more living in the lie that you have spoke of. I sense there is something fascinating about our next transition, I just gather that from what Father is whispering to my heart. There's much more behind it than what I daily complain about.

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