Lately I have been getting down on myself for not feeling like I am giving of my time to people and or doing things on a larger scale, such as reaching out to the poor, or giving my time to help others in any way. I get the feeling like I am not ‘doing’ enough to contribute to people’s lives. Sometimes I wonder why I think it’s my responsibility in the first place, but I have always been a person who thought that I need to be that person to fill in the gaps with giving of my time and offering my service without expecting anything back! I am really been asking Father to help me distinguish between his voice and the enemies voice that just wants to give me a guilt trip so that I would do things out of guilt and self obligation. Yesterday I was listening to a God Journey podcast that was talking about someone who was so passive that they didn’t do anything even for their relationship with Father, compared to someone who does too much that maybe Father isn’t even in it! I want to be in the middle of these; I don’t want to be too passive and not contribute and give, but I also don’t want to just give and contribute out of obligation and overdo it where I have nothing left to give to Father because I already have given all of my energy to others. Having a healthy balance between the two is what I desire. I don’t want to feel like I have to do things in order to find more favor with God. I know that line is so far-fetched and frankly upsetting because I know by Father’s grace that I don’t have to do anything to win his favor because by his grace I already have it! Anyway, I feel relieved that now I can feel freedom to pursue and contribute my time without any anxiety to make something happen, but to just be and give freely.
Not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond image. -- Mona Lisa Smile
Hi! Thanks for coming by and checking out my blog. If I had to tell you anything about myself and why I write, it would be this...
I love to write about things that inspire me or captures my attention, or merely what is happening in my life. I don't proclaim to have it all figured out, but I do know this, that I am simply human that has problems and I am not afraid to expose them here. Vulnerability and being authentic is something I strive for, even if it looks ugly at times.
So please feel free to come and have a conversation with me. I can't wait to dig in deep with you!
I am learning how to live loved by God and embrace His grace that will help me fly in freedom. Let the wings of grace take me, all of me, for who I am and not for who I should be.