I tend to get in the rut of religion sometimes. I think sometimes I get so head strong about my beliefs and what I think about Father and tend to get angry when other’s who are on opposite sides of me. I think partly it’s because I give into my humanness and forget about Father in those times. Opposition seems to be on the forefront of my mind at times and I forget what really matters. Opposition will pass someday I am actually looking forward to that day, but what do I do about it right now? It’s a struggle I have to let go of and move on and learn how to keep Father on the forefront of my mind! It bothers me so much that I allow it to get in the way of ‘possible’ relationships. Not that they would go anywhere anyway, I just get really exhausted of what seems to be a huge bridge of opposition between me and some other people! A lot of it is having conversations with others; they just don’t get me, or don't want to even understand where I am coming from. When I am in a conversation with others, I try to give them a chance to share what is on their hearts and I don’t want to seem that I am opposed to their view, but, I hate to argue or find controversy in the midst of relating to others. It’s dull and sad and frankly, I hate it! So, usually if I know there is an angst of opposition I tend to shy away from that and talk shallow or never get too close to discomforting discussions. I want to overcome this, but there are so many people who have this mission to prove something to me and I just can’t go there! I never try to go that far with people, but I have thought about how sometimes my thoughts about certain people go there, and I just don’t like it! I feel like I can’t relate on a level of deepness, which I would like to be able to. I wonder sometimes if my thoughts like this don’t allow me to be who I want to be with people who are on different pages than I. It’s quite frustrating.
Prison Diary: The Crookbook
2 days ago