Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I have a couple of friends who are pregnant. One friend I grew up with and have been close to for many, many years, however, I find it hard, irritating, and uncomfortable when things in life, such as a pregnancy or marriage or some life changing event can separate and categorize me differently from where they are in life. I feel like in order to measure up and relate to them I must be in the same boat as they. Right now I am not talking about religion, but about stages in life and where one is. I feel like the relationship can never be the same until I jump on the pregnancy band wagon. I am not there yet, I actually have thought about the possibility of never having children, but the pressure of this stage is so relevant that it freaks me out. Being pressured into doing something, especially if it is a huge life changing event makes me want to run SCREAMING the other direction. I find it hard now to relate to these friends of mine who are in different stages in life. Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t stand the differences, but that does not make me want to ‘do’ as they do either. The voices in my head tell me, to get over myself and join the club of expectancy, and the other voices tell me to ignore and go on with life. What voice in God’s though? It is so hard sometimes to distinguish the voices. Maybe non are Father, and I just make them up as I go along. Who knows? I am pathetic. I get really edged up about this that I just want to move to Bermuda or somewhere so so far away that I won’t feel pressured or taken over by the expectancy of others. I grew up in a church that everyone was raised homeschooled and the girls my age weren’t really encouraged to go to college, but get married and raise children. That was the norm and it felt like it was expected of us. I went to college, got married, but I am not about to go have children because everyone else is having them.
Posted by Nicole at 1:17 PM